But don't tell yourself that it's too late @Lucy. Be in control. Do what needs to be done to put all this in a context that's reasonable. Then you don't have to be afraid of it. It's the same as being prepared, only you're prepared to be Lucy.
Until I played one of the Carmen games from 1995 with Lynn Thigpen, and I found a note left behind from one of her agents, I didn't realize that Carmen pays her people too Lol