Crime and Pun-Ishment

AMA
findcarmen.com
Known Aliases
Kenneth (by Carmen), Kenny (by other VILE agents), Crackpot Kenny, The Anti-Player, Contestant #3
Color #
A9A9A9
Since everyone in the chat enjoys puns so much, I decided to make them the subject of my new guessing games. Each of these very elaborate jokes ends in a one or two-word pun. Read out the text carefully, and then try to guess what the pun-ch line is.

Okay here goes:

A family who is very poor is looking to re-stock their mostly desecrated cattle ranch. They reason they could have a full set of cattle again if they were to buy a bull. So they scrape together a small amount of cash and find that they have enough to buy one bull and have an extra dollar to ride the taxi one way to the market. They instruct grandma to be the lone person to take the taxi, buy the bull, and then wait for the family to being the cart to take the bull home. Grandma rides the taxi. The fair is 90 cents. She gets out and buys the bull, but then she realizes that she needs a way to get a message back to the ranch to let them know to come with the cart. She looks across the street, where there's a telegram office. She walks into the telegram office, and tries to send a telegram, but the mailer tells her that with ten cents she is only allowed to send one word. She writes the word, gives it to the mailer, and he asks grandma "Are you sure this is what you want to send?" She replies, "Sure, they're slow readers."

What is the one word grandma used?
 
AMA
findcarmen.com
Known Aliases
Kenneth (by Carmen), Kenny (by other VILE agents), Crackpot Kenny, The Anti-Player, Contestant #3
Color #
A9A9A9
Okay, here's the next one:

Man is driving on a dirt road next to the desert, he sees a large lever in the sand. He goes down and he's seconds from pulling it, when a snake pops out and shouts "Don't touch that!" The man is clearly surprised to hear a talking snake, and he tries to spark up a conversation. He learns that the snake's name is Nate and if anyone pulls the lever the world would come to an end, so he was put there to protect it. So the man and Nate make friends, but just as suddenly, another car comes careening down the desert towards the lever! Nate leaps immediately towards the buggy, and ends up tangling himself in the axles. Nate the Snake is clearly dead, but the car came only inches from the lever.

The moral of the story?
 

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