Ronin Toad: Redux

Coffee, Chaos and Questions, Part One​

Disclaimer: Same as before.

Author's Note: I realized that in canon Shipwreck's last name is Delgato not Delgado.


Agent Todd,

This latest development of a relationship between Tolansky and the Delgato girl is something that's piqued some interest. I caution you, though, to avoid making overly optimistic assessments. For all you know this could be just like any other teenage crush. I ask that you keep overly personal assessments out of future reports.

I do wonder about the remainder of the Delgato family and their influence on Todd as well. Especially some of the reports I've heard about Brittany, Quinn, and Daria Delgato that mention they've been responsible for several additions to the long list of places that Shipwreck is banned from.

Agent Baer


The Pit, Officer’s Quarters
Conrad Hart and Kate Todd
21 February 2002, 0645

“What the Hell happened to you?” Kate asked as Conrad walked into the apartment. He was soaking wet, and covered with soap suds. Clutched in his left hand was a thermos.

“Put it this way, mutants and coffee do not mix,” Conrad replied as he walked into the apartment and set the thermos onto the kitchen table.

“I figured it had something to do with Todd,” Kate replied, “If it didn’t I’d wonder how you managed to get soaking wet just checking out the Mess Hall to see what BA was serving.”

“As I said, it did have something to do with Todd and mutants and coffee are in fact a recipe for chaos,” Conrad replied.

“Ok, what happened?” Kate asked.

“Todd drank some of BA’s coffee and went into a great fit of hyperactivity,” Conrad replied.

“How can coffee cause an already hyperactive mutant teenager to get even more so?” Kate asked.

“I do believe that the coffee is BA’s special blend,” Conrad replied.

“What did BA do? Spike the coffee? That sounds more like something Shipwreck would do,” Kate replied.

“I’m not sure,” Conrad replied, “But whatever he did sure makes it potent.”

“Ok, so start at the beginning, how did you wind up looking like a dishwasher exploded all over you?” Kate replied.

“Well, it all started when I went to go check out the menu to see if we should get breakfast at the mess hall…” Conrad began.


The Pit, The Mess Hall
Big Lob, Tunnel Rat, Conrad, Toad
21 February 2002, 0600

Conrad Hart walked into the mess hall as Todd was working with Big Lob, Tunnel Rat, and Cross Country to help set up for breakfast.

“So I ain’t seen you around much,” Tunnel Rat said to Todd.

“Been hanging around Shipwreck’s place lately,” Big Lob smirked as he laid out several coffee cups near the beverage table.

“More like his daughter,” Tunnel Rat said, smiling.

“Oooh! Someone’s got a girlfriend!” Both of them said at the same time.

“Shut up!” Todd said, blushing.

“Ah, young love,” Conrad commented as he walked over. Todd turned an even darker shade of pink.

“Got to first base yet?” Big Lob said as he ruffled Todd’s hair.

“Come on, guys, cut it out!” Todd said, blushed red now.

“Hey guys, lay off him,” Cross Country said as he came over after setting up the last stack of trays, “Kid doesn’t need you giving him a hard time now.”

“Aw, we’re just yanking his chain a little,” Tunnel Rat replied, before turning to Todd, “Come on kid! Let’s celebrate.”

“Hey Big Lob,” Tunnel Rat said, “Give me a cup of that coffee.”

Big Lob complied and poured four more cups for the others in the room, “Come on kid, have a cup of Joe with the Joes.”

Todd cradled the cup of coffee, looking at it and sniffing, “I dunno it smells pretty strong.”

“So it’ll put hair on your chest!” Big Lob replied.

“Really?” Todd said, eyes growing big.

“Guys, I don’t think you should do that,” Cross Country said.

“Aw, come on, it’s just a little coffee,” Tunnel Rat replied, “What harm can it do?”

Todd took a swig. Then another. His eyes began to swim and he gasped, “WHOA!”

After taking a much larger slug from the cup he began to grin…

The Pit, Officer’s Quarters
Conrad Hart and Kate Todd
21 February 2002, 0648

“So Todd had the cup of coffee and then what happened?” Kate asked.

“The kid started hopping all over the place, jumped from wall to ceiling to floor,” Conrad replied, “We managed to close the front door so he couldn’t get outside of it.”

“Alright, then how did you wind up soaking wet?” Kate asked.

“I was getting there,” Conrad replied, “Well after Todd’s impromptu redecoration of the mess hall with toilet paper, whipped cream and paper napkins he wound up getting into the kitchen and started spraying water everywhere from the big sinks in there. We all went in there to try and corral him only to get soaked with dish soap and even more water.”

“No way,” Kate replied.

“If you think I’m kidding let’s go down there and I’ll show you I am most assuredly not kidding!” Conrad replied.

“Ok,” Kate replied, grabbing her jacket and following Conrad out of the apartment and down the stairs.

After crossing the courtyard into the cafeteria Conrad opened the door and with a flourish said, “After you, mademoiselle.”

Just after Kate walked into the cafeteria she saw Roadblock standing in the room and that Conrad hadn’t been exaggerating one bit.

“WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED HERE!?” Roadblock bellowed.

“Jesus, Roadblock, you nearly made me deaf as Conrad just now,” Kate complained.

“Hey,” Conrad protested, “I’m not totally deaf, it’s only my left ear that tends to have my hearing come and go.”

“Unbelievable,” Kate commented as she surveyed the damage.

“Now you see I wasn’t joking!” Conrad replied.

BA walked up to the trio standing near the Mess Hall’s entrance and responded to Roadblock’s question, “Toad the Mutant Tornado.”

“WHAT?” Roadblock shouted, “WHY THAT LITTLE…”

“Technically, Roadblock, it’s not the kid’s fault,” Conrad countered.

“How is that the case? Because it looks like the kid’s trashed this building on base?” Roadblock replied.

“Well,” Tunnel Rat said as he and Big Lob approached, “We just gave the kid a bit of coffee…”

“Coffee?” Roadblock said, “This wouldn’t be BA’s coffee, would it?”

“Uh…” Tunnel Rat replied.

“Roadblock, wait, what is the deal with BA’s coffee?” Kate asked.

Roadblock ignored Kate before continuing, “BA’s infamous coffee?”

“Um…” Big Lob said with a gulp.

“BA’s Ultimate Eye Opener?” Roadblock continued, advancing on the other two men.

Kate let out a yelp as Roadblock accidentally stepped on her foot. Mr. Gentle Giant over there is really pissed right now if he forgot to apologize. Kate thought.

“Uh…” Big Lob and Tunnel Rat said together.

“BA’s coffee that is so strong a single drop of it once drove an anaconda crazy?” Roadblock added as he continued to walk towards Tunnel Rat and Big Lob.


“A coffee so strong that a single cup can keep a man awake for a week?” Roadblock shouted.

“I’m sure that has to be an exaggeration,” Conrad interjected.

Roadblock turned around to glare at him, “No, Mr. Legionnaire, I assure you it isn’t.”

“Looking back on it, maybe it wasn’t the smartest thing we’ve ever done,” Tunnel Rat replied.

“Ya think?” Roadblock shouted, grabbing a fistfull of Tunnel Rat’s shirt, “This stuff makes adults wired for days! Imagine what it does to the system of a hyperactive mutant teenager?”

“I think I bore witness to the end result,” Conrad whispered to Kate.

“We didn’t think he’d drink the whole cup!” Tunnel Rat yelped.

“Yeah,” Big Lob added, “What harm would it do?”

“I think Conrad being soaked to the bone is one clue,” Kate remarked.

“YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!” Todd’s excited shout resounded through the room.

“I think you’re all about to find out,” BA interjected.

“I managed to get him contained to the kitchen,” Conrad replied, “Just barely.”

The fivesome approached the kitchen door, with a chair braced against the doorknob. Through the closed door they could see that bubbles were leaking out onto the floor. After moving the chair aside Roadblock flung the door open in time to see the kitchen covered in bubbles and in the middle of the floor they could all see Todd skating with brushes tied to the soles of his feet.

“Wheeee!” Todd crowed.

After he saw Roadblock and the others he waved and cheerfully said, “Hi guys! I’m helping clean up the kitchen!”

“Oh man,” Big Lob replied, mouth falling open.

“Need I explain further, mademoiselle?” Conrad replied, pointing at the sight before them.

Todd reached over to the sink, taking a hose from it and spraying water into the air, drenching the five people near the kitchen entrance.

“Okay Conrad, I’m officially convinced you weren’t kidding,” Kate replied as she wiped water off her brow, Damn it! I just got this suit dry cleaned before I left!

“Well now, Todd, you’re going to do some extra training to work off all that energy!” Roadblock told him.

“Cool!” Todd said, hopping up and down, his head narrowly missing going through the ceiling tiles by a few millimeters.

“Yes, you are going to the obstacle course! The really big one on the other side of base,” Roadblock replied, “And these two are going to take you and train with you!”

“What?” Tunnel Rat shouted.

“That’s cruel and unusual punishment!” Big Lob protested.

Roadblock glared at them and Big Lob replied, “I mean it’s gonna be a lot of fun!”

“Yeah I can hardly wait!” Tunnel Rat said with false enthusiasm, whirling his index finger in the air, “Let’s go to the obstacle course!”

“Yippppeeeee!” Todd shouted excitedly as he bounced after them.

“Kid! Take off the brushes first! You’re getting soap everywhere!” BA shouted.

Todd complied as Kate thought, As if there isn’t soap everywhere already.

“BA, I’ll help you clean up, it’s safer,” Roadblock replied.

“I’ll help as well, since I’m already drenched,” Conrad added.

“So will I,” Kate replied, Baer’s probably gonna have me committed to the mental institution over this part of my report.
The Pit, The Mess Hall
Roadblock, BA, Beach Head, Sergeant Slaughter, Conrad, Kate
21 February 2002, 0848

“I can’t believe one kid caused all this mess,” BA groaned as he dumped yet another bucket of water into the sink.

“I do,” Beach Head replied, “The kid is a menace.”

“Ok, he’s a bit crazy but not a menace,” Kate replied, “He is just a kid.”

“Well by now most of the caffeine’s out of his system,” Roadblock replied, “Nothing like hard work to take the fight out of a boy. The obstacle course should calm him down.”

“The operative word being should,” Conrad quipped as he put a stack of dishes away.

“To be fair, Conrad, maybe it worked,” Kate replied as she stacked a few trays and put them into another cabinet.

The sound of a door opening could be heard. Shortly after Todd bounded in with Big Lob and Tunnel Rat in tow.

“THAT WAS GREAT!” Todd shouted.

Merde,” Conrad groaned.

“You were saying, Roadblock?” BA said skeptically.

Tunnel Rat and Big Lob staggered in behind him. In stark contrast to Todd, who looked fresh as a daisy, they were covered in dirt and grime and looked like a fleet of tanks had run over them before reversing to do so again.

“That was great!” Todd shouted, hopping up and down, “Again! I wanna do it again!”

“But you’ve already done it 26 times,” Tunnel Rat groaned.

“The obstacle course is destroyed! There’s nothing left!” Big Lob added.

“I wanna train some more!” Todd said, jumping up and down, higher and higher, his head just barely touching the ceiling, “Come on guys, I wanna train some more!”

“Someone please help us…” Tunnel Rat said in agony.

“Well,” Sergeant Slaughter said, walking over, “I think I can put that energy to good use.”

“Take him. For the love of God! Take him!” Big Lob replied.

“ATTEN-HUT!” Sergeant Slaughter shouted and then Todd promptly popped to attention.

“So you wanna train some more, eh, soldier?” Sergeant Slaughter began.

“Yes sir!” Todd said cheerfully.

“I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” Sergeant Slaughter replied.

"YES SIR!" Todd replied.

"THAT'S THE SPIRIT!" Sergeant Slaughter replied, "AND DON'T CALL ME SIR, I WORK FOR A LIVING!"

"YES SERGEANT SLAUGHTER!!" Todd shouted at the top of his lungs.

Note to self, wear earplugs next time Todd's on a caffeine high,
Kate thought.

"I've got just the thing in mind," Sergeant Slaughter said, with a grin. Guiding Todd by one arm to the nearest window he pointed, "See that mountain there, soldier? We're gonna climb it, with nice little twenty pound knapsacks on our backs."


"Now that's the attitude I wanna see," Sergeant Slaughter replied.

"Sarge, don't kill the kid!" Roadblock replied.

"Don't worry, I'm sure nice little hike up and down a mountain should wind his batteries right down," Sergeant Slaughter said as they left.

"Ok, five will get you fifteen that Sergeant Slaughter runs the kid into the ground," Tunnel Rat replied.

"I dunno," Big Lob said, "Make it a double and you've got yourself a bet."

"Deal," Tunnel Rat replied.

"Ten for twenty that Todd runs Sergeant Slaughter into the ground," BA said.

"Same for me," Conrad replied, only for Kate to elbow him in the ribs.

"I don't believe this," Kate replied, with noticeable chagrin, "You guys are actually betting on whether Todd runs Sergeant Slaughter into the ground or vice versa.

"Hey, it's possibly a way to make a few bucks," Conrad quipped.

"You've seriously gone native," Kate replied.

BA chuckled as he walked up to them, "You'll find out that at any given time there's at least a dozen betting pools going on around this base."

"Let me guess, Shipwreck is running most of them?" Kate replied.

"He's in on some and started a few, but not as many as you think," BA replied with a grin.

Baer's gonna have a heart attack about this, Kate thought.

Conrad laughed and Kate turned towards him, "What's so funny?"

"You have to admit, one kid on a caffeine high causing this much damage is funny in a weirdly demented sort of way," Conrad replied.

"I see your point, warped as it is," Kate replied.

"I'm sure both of our reports are going to be amusing reads for our respective bosses," Conrad replied.

"Maybe for your boss, if he's got a sense of humor," Kate replied.

"She, actually," Conrad corrected, "She does have a sense of humor, though she does wonder what sort of madhouse I've wandered into."

"Well you're lucky," Kate replied, "Agent Baer isn't known for a sense of humor.”

“Sounds like it,” Conrad replied.

“I’m convinced he doesn’t have one,” Kate replied, “I’m going up to the apartment to get changed. What did you put in that thermos, by the way?”

“A bit of BA’s Coffee, of course,” Conrad grinned.

“Why?” Kate asked.

“No point in wasting it,” Conrad replied with a droll shrug.

“Ok, now it’s official: you’ve gone native,” Kate replied as she walked out of the Mess Hall.


To Be Continued...
Coffee, Chaos, and Questions, Part Two​

Disclaimer: Same as before…


The Pit, Headquarters Building Lounge
Roadblock, Beach Head, Conrad, and Kate
21 February 2002, 1158

“Well, the kid should be calmed down by now,” Roadblock began as he waited in the lounge.

“If he’s still alive,” Beach Head smirked, “The Sarge will run that little punk into the ground! He’ll be lucky if he has any strength to crawl back!”

“Wonder who’s winning the bet?” Conrad ventured only to have Kate elbow him in the ribs.

Just as Conrad spoke Todd hopped happily into the lounge before saying, “Wow! I just had the best time! Mountain climbing sure is fun? Eh Sarge? Sarge? Sarge? Come on Sarge! Get the lead out!”

Roadblock, Conrad, Kate, and Beach Head turned to see Sergeant Slaughter, the toughest Drill Sergeant who ever lived, stagger into the lounge. After he dropped his backpack he groaned, “Help me.”

Then he collapsed onto the couch. For what felt like hour-long minutes no one spoke until Beach Head managed to collect his thoughts, “Sarge, what did he do to you?”

“We went up the mountain and then back down. Then he wanted to race up the mountain. So I said why not? That was the biggest mistake of my life!”

“I won the race!” Todd beamed.

“How did he win with a twenty pound backpack on?” Beach Head asked.

“You know those old cartoons where the skunk bounces happily all over the place without a care in the world?” Sergeant Slaughter replied.

“Vividly,” Kate replied.

“Just picture the skunk jumping something like forty-something feet and that’s pretty much what that was like,” Sergeant Slaughter replied.

“No way,” Kate replied.

“Do you see the proof?” Sergeant Slaughter said as Todd hopped wildly around the lounge.

“That was great!” Todd shouted, “I love mountain climbing! Can we do it again, Sarge? Huh? Can we? Can we?”

“Maybe later. After I find my lungs,” Sergeant Slaughter replied.

“I never thought I’d see the sight I found,” Roadblock began, “Someone finally ran the Sarge into the ground.”

“I wanna train some more!” Todd said, jumping up and down.

“It’s official,” Sergeant Slaughter replied, flopping down onto the couch, “I’m getting old. There was a time that a little thing like climbing a mountain wouldn’t tire me out like this.”

“You’ve never done it with a mutant teenager hyped up on BA’s coffee,” Roadblock observed.

“Good point. Any more of that coffee left?”

“I’ll have some more!” Todd said.

“OH NO YOU WON’T!” Everyone in the room shouted.

“Aww…” Todd pouted, before hopping over to Roadblock, “So what do you wanna do, Roadblock?”

“You’re not tired?” Roadblock asked, incredulous.

“Not yet,” Todd shook his head.

“Oh great,” Roadblock groaned.

“And you still decided to bring a thermos full of that stuff back to the room?” Kate whispered to Conrad.

“It wasn’t that bad a cup of coffee,” Conrad replied.

“Minus the fact that it’s got Todd insanely wired right now!” Kate replied.

“YAHOO! YIPEEE!” Todd shouted as he hopped from floor, to ceiling, to wall around the lounge.

“Good point. But I’m sure if you’re likely to have a late night or an early morning BA’s coffee isn’t a bad thing,” Conrad observed.

“Provided Todd, Althea, or God forbid Trinity don’t get a hold of it,” Kate replied.

“Good point! Those three are insane enough without BA’s coffee…” Conrad began before pausing.

“I agree,” Kate replied, before noticing Conrad’s voice trailing off. She was about to ask him what he was going on about when she saw Conrad raise his index finger to his lips.

Kate followed Conrad’s line of sight to where Todd looking around, before spotting something hidden in a camouflage backpack near the chair Beach Head was sitting in.

“Oh great, now what do I do?” Roadblock groaned.

“Don’t look at me,” Beach Head said with a snorted laugh, “It’s not my fault you can’t control him.”

Because Beach Head and Roadblock were busy arguing about Roadblock’s apparent lack of control over Todd neither man saw what Conrad and Kate were witnessing. Todd’s hand reached into a partially open main compartment of the backpack, pulling out a brown teddy bear wearing camouflage fatigues and shiny little black boots.

“Hey, is this your teddy bear?” Todd asked.


"Let's play a game!" Todd shouted, hopping up and down, waving the bear.

Beach Head stood up from the chair to start chasing Todd. Todd whooped happily and shouted, "I've got Sergeant Snuffles!"

"MAKE HIM GIVE THAT BACK!" Beach Head shouted.

"What am I supposed to do?" Roadblock asked, "I can't control him, remember."

"Unbelievable," Kate groaned as she began to make a couple notes on her PDA, "I'm going to have a heck of a time describing Todd on a caffeine high."

"Why not just say coffee and mutants don't mix and leave it at that?" Conrad replied.

"You don't know Agent Baer," Kate replied, "He's going to want every single detail and...HEY!!!"

Kate yelped and her chair flipped over backward when Todd grabbed her PDA and she tumbled backward in a graceless heap.

“ROADBLOCK MAKE HIM GIVE IT BACK!” Beach Head shouted as he chased Todd around the room.

Kate rolled out of the way, narrowly avoiding having Beach Head step on her midsection as he gave chase.

“Hey! Watch it!” Kate shouted. She felt a hand under each of her arms and the sensation of being dragged out of the way.

“Don’t look at me,” Roadblock said with a smile, “I can’t control him, remember?”

“Beach Head, do you think you could control where you stamp your feet? You nearly stomped on my stomach chasing the kid!” Kate exclaimed.

Conrad reached down to help Kate to her feet and she did sway slightly, having worn a pair of high heels that day. Not the best footwear to try and chase down a hyperactive mutant teenager, Kate thought.

She dusted herself off as Beach Head continued to try to chase Todd around the room, “I’m thinking that the nearest mental institution in Washington D.C. has its newest inmate.”

“Who? Todd?” Conrad asked.

“No. Me, once I submit today’s report,” Kate groaned, “Baer isn’t going to believe this.”

“There’s always omission,” Conrad replied.

“I’m seriously considering that,” Kate sighed.

After about another hour of Beach Head fruitlessly chasing Todd around the lounge Roadblock managed to get the kid to give back the items he had taken.

“So whatdya want to do now?” Todd asked, hopping up and down.

“Why don’t you go play in a minefield,” Beach Head glared at him.

“CAN I?” Todd asked, eyes going wide and fluttering his eyelids.

“NO!” Roadblock shouted. “Come on, playtime’s over. Let’s go talk to Lifeline now, shall we?”

“Okay,” Todd said as he hopped alongside Roadblock.

Roadblock, out of the corner of his eye, noticed Conrad and Kate were following them. Sticking closer to me than my own shadow, not surprising. Roadblock thought. They’re not bad people, however given they’re not members of G.I. Joe I still don't 100% trust either of them.

“Kid, do you ever walk?” Roadblock said, turning his attention back to Todd.

“Sorry,” Todd replied in mid hop, and upon landing reverted to walking, “It just comes natural to me, y’know.”

“I guess,” Roadblock replied as the foursome walked into the Infirmary and towards Lifeline’s office, “Now stay with Agent Todd and Agent Hart. Don’t go too far…”

Lifeline looked up from his computer as Roadblock walked into the room.

“Lifeline, do you have any knock out drops?”

“What?” Lifeline asked.

“The kid is on a caffeine high,” Roadblock explained, “Please, just something to calm him down. Before he runs me down!”

“Roadblock, that’s not idea to give the boy too much medication, especially given his mutated metabolism,” Lifeline replied.

“Please!” Roadblock replied, “I tried having him exercise it off. It didn’t work.”

“I know. I saw Sarge, Tunnel Rat, and Big Lob earlier,” Lifeline sighed, “Let me have a look at him.”

“Thanks,” Roadblock said as they walked out into the hall. Todd was nowhere to be seen, neither were Agent Todd or Agent Hart.

“Oh no,” Lifeline groaned, “You don’t think he went out to look at the tanks again, did he?”

“How did he get past an agent from ACME and an agent from the US Secret Service?” Roadblock said.

“Oh Lord,” Lifeline groaned as the two of them went around the building looking for him.

Roadblock reached into his pocket and grabbed his cell phone. He punched in Agent Hart’s number and when he picked up he heard Conrad’s reply, “Agent Hart…”

“What the Hell is going on here? Where’s Todd?” Roadblock demanded.

“Relax, Monsieur Roadblock,” Conrad said, “He’s got plenty of adult supervision and…”

Roadblock heard an explosion and the sound Todd’s maniacal laughter. Roadblock dropped his phone.

“Roadblock? What’s going on?” Lifeline asked, as he scooped up the phone.

“Oh Lord, that boy and weapons are not a good combination!” Roadblock replied as he and Lifeline headed outside, “If he’s gotten into the grenades…”

“Yes, Agent Hart, this is Lifeline. What’s going on?”

“Todd’s with me and Agent Todd and some other Joes at the firing range,” Conrad replied, “The one for the rocket launchers…”

Lifeline cupped the mouthpiece of the phone and relayed the information. Roadblock’s eyes just about bugged out of his head.

“RPGs!? Todd’s gotten into the RPGs!!” Roadblock shouted.

Lifeline said, “Hang on, we’ll be right there.”

After getting into one of the government sedans on the base Lifeline and Roadblock headed for the nearby firing range.

“Roadblock…(gasp)...slow down! Todd’s got adult supervision!” Lifeline shouted as he fell behind.

“Fire in the hole!” Conrad’s shout could be heard, and then the sound of a rocket firing…
The Pit, Range Complex
Todd, Kate, Conrad, Flint, Sci-Fi, Low Light
21 February 2002, 1315

Note to self, Kate thought, Phrase very carefully about how Todd received a lesson in firing RPGs.

Kate stood back as a Joe called Sci Fi was holding up a tubular weapon with a pistol grip handle. Three large green rockets were in a bag on his back.

“Now Todd, this is the RPG-7,” Sci Fi began, “One of the most common rocket propelled grenade launchers on the planet.”

“I’m still trying to figure out how I’m going to explain this to Baer,” Kate began.

“Well, you could always say he received a class familiarizing him with various RPGs,” Conrad replied.

“I’ve never fired a weapon before,” Todd began.

“Don’t worry,” Conrad said, turning briefly to address him, “that means you won’t have any bad habits.”

“You are making a good point,” Kate said to Conrad, before tugging on his sleeve to whisper in his ear, “Are you sure you’re not worried that the kid’s learning about weapons?”

“He’s on an Army base, surrounded by professionals. Nothing to be alarmed about,” Conrad replied.

“I might disagree with you there, Hart,” Kate replied, “I hope the kid doesn’t think of leveling something like that at the Presidential Limo or Marine One.”

She watched Conrad head over to Todd and Sci Fi.

Conrad guided Todd to a position where he had one knee on the ground, a practiced kneeling firing position before putting the launcher onto his shoulder.

“Good, now squeeze the trigger slow and easy,” Sci Fi directed.

CLICK. Todd dry fired the launcher two more times before Sci Fi said, “You’ve got the concept down, kid. Now let’s see you fire the real thing. See that junked car over there?”

“Yeah,” Todd replied.

Conrad took one of the rockets and loaded it into the launcher, “Alright Todd, remember, check behind you before firing an RPG. The backblast can be fatal to anyone standing directly behind you.”

Todd looked behind him, seeing nothing or no one there before Conrad tapped his shoulder shouting, “Fire in the hole!”

Todd squeezed the trigger and the rocket streaked downrange before exploding into the car.

“Direct hit! And you say you’ve never fired a weapon before?” Sci Fi said.

“I’m impressed,” Flint replied.

“You guys are maniacs,” Kate grumbled.

“BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!” Todd shouted wildly.

After firing three more times, Todd hit the mangled metal remnants of the junked car precisely each time.

“How you do that?” Low Light asked.

“Easy, I just pretended that Magneto and Mystique were driving the car,” Todd replied.

“See,” Conrad turned to Kate, with a smile, “nothing to be alarmed about, he’s got his aggression and training leveled in the right way.”

“You’re insane,” Kate replied.

“Well, I wouldn’t lose any sleep if Mystique and Magneto were blown into shards,” Conrad replied.

“Are you sure you’ve never done this before?” Low Light asked Todd.

“Nope,” Todd replied.

“Gentlemen, I believe we have a prodigy on our hands,” Sci Fi said proudly.

“NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!!” Roadblock bellowed as he ran up to them, Lifeline gasping behind him, “There is no way you are going to teach that boy about weapons!”

“But he’s good at it,” Low Light protested.

“Aw! Come on!” Sci Fi protested.

“NO!” Roadblock shouted, grabbing Todd and dragging him back towards the car.

“You’re no fun, Roadblock,” Flint added.

“That was fun,” Todd began, “Can I blow something else up now?”

“NO!” Lifeline and Roadblock said simultaneously.

“Lifeline…” Roadblock replied.

“Let’s take him to my office,” Lifeline replied, “I’ve got an idea.”

“I’ll try anything,” Roadblock said.

Conrad and Kate followed them to the car and after a short ride back to the Infirmary they headed to Lifeline’s office.

“Okay Todd, have a seat in that chair over there and relax,” Lifeline said.

Todd did so and Lifeline placed his hands on Todd’s temples, “Now I want you to relax. Don’t be afraid.”

Lifeline began to gently massage Todd’s forehead, and his hands began to glow.

“What? Are you a mutant too?” Todd yelped.

“Sorry,” Lifeline shook his head, “I may have healing abilities, but I don’t have an X-Gene. Technically I’m not a mutant.”

“Then what are you?” Todd asked, calming down.

“I don’t really know,” Lifeline replied with a shrug, “I just happen to have healing abilities. Now relax. That’s right. Just close your eyes and think happy thoughts...Just relax…”

Soon Todd was snoring peacefully.

“Thank you,” Roadblock said, carrying the sleeping boy out of the infirmary and back to their quarters.


The Pit, The Mess Hall
Lifeline, Kate, Conrad, and Sergeant Slaughter
21 February 2002, 1400

“I could use a cup of coffee right now,” Lifeline said.

“Me too,” Kate replied, and soon she, Conrad and Lifeline were on their way to the mess hall.

As they walked they happened to meet Sergeant Slaughter on the way, “So you finally got the kid to sleep, huh, Lifeline?”

“Yes, things should be back to normal now,” Lifeline said.

“Why do I get the feeling that the other shoe is about to drop?” Kate replied.

Mademoiselle, perhaps there is nothing to be alarmed about,” Conrad began just as Lifeline opened the door.

“WHAT THE-?” Lifeline gasped with surprise.

There was water all over the cafeteria that formed into a mini-tidal wave that began to chase Beach Head before it overtook him and washed him away.

“SHIPWRECK!!!!!!” Beach Head shouted.

"Don’t look at me!” Shipwreck sputtered as he floundered in the water, “Blame BA!”

“Yahoo!” Althea shouted as she skimmed over the top of the water, “I love coffee!”

“Not again,” Sarge groaned.

“I might well have been wrong,” Conrad replied.

“We really got to get BA to put a warning label on his coffee,” Lifeline added.



Please tell me that you’re exaggerating about this entire coffee episode? It sounds like that boy and coffee are one dangerous combination.

I hope that minus the chaos you’re doing well. I miss you so much.

I love you.



To Be Continued...
@Invader and @Julie Justice: I do think BA should put a warning label on his coffee. I did enjoy putting my more NCIS angle on this tale from Red Witch's story.

One word of praise I got from Red Witch herself was this:

This is amazing! I think this is even funnier than my original story! Bravo!
I'm eternally grateful to the first fanfiction writer who decided to cross G.I. Joe and X-men: Evolution for creating the Ronin Toad series of stories. I'd recommend it to any Marvel fan.

Something tells me Conrad might be facing being the ACME Liaison to the Pit in the near future...

Status Updates

Omar wrote on Shada Steele's profile.
Oh, a fellow parkour junkie. I think this might be fun, no matter what side you end up going with.
Charlet wrote on Shada Steele's profile.
Yay my big sister
Chase wrote on Contessa's profile.
I find it suspicious that all the 'Happy Birthday Contessa' wishes are coming from ACME agents...

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    Chase Chase: @Joe Kerr, check the page, see if this is the theatre image you remembered? Stone Harbour