Nace Bilby
ACME
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[Rated PG-13 for language. Many thanks to talking to @Ivy and @Carmen for creating this journal.]
Now Zad, Afghanistan
14 February 2006
Boredom is an oft feature of military life regardless of the nationality of the soldiers. And on Tuesday the 14th of February 2006, Valentine's Day, boredom did strike the rooftop overlooking the town of Now Zad.
"For fuck's sake." Cecil grumbled, "We haven't even heard a shot fired in anger for a sodding week."
"Mr. 'Kill Something' growing bored is he?" Ajay remarked as he stretched and yawned after setting his binoculars down. The town was practically a ghost town.
Some scattered laughter echoed across the rooftop, namely over Cecil's usual t-shirts that usually had the words Kill Something emblazoned on it.
Mad Max, sitting on top of a quartet of sandbags stacked on the rooftop, rifle on his lap, began, "Well lads, today being Valentine's Day I do believe a bit of intellectual discussion is in order."
"Can you even spell intellectual?" Cecil quipped.
Muted laughing from various bored troopers echoed out. Sergeant Angel lay on his back, head on his backpack, hat pulled over his eyes as he caught a quick catnap.
"Fuck off, Cecil. At least I'm not walking up 'ere on the roof bellowing, 'I'm bored' like an elephant with a hernia." Mad Max countered.
Even more laughter, and from below his hat Sergeant Angel said, "Alright, Max, enlighten us, what is this weighty intellectual matter you wanted to discuss?"
"Well, Boss," Mad Max said, with mock solemness, "Owing to the fact that the lot of us are up here on this roof and not in the company of the fairer sex..."
Max turned over to where Nace sat, reading a Valentine's Day card from Evey with a broad smile on his face, and commented, "At least not in the physical company of the fairer sex."
"Get to the bloody point, Max." Angel remarked.
"Well, I was wondering what you lot think is the best part of relationships with the ladies?" Mad Max said, "Ajay?"
"What do the Yanks say, Plead the fifth?" Ajay remarked as he went over to his laptop, opening it up and turning it on.
"Boring sod you are." Mad Max grumbled, "Cecil?"
"Oh that's easy..." Cecil began, "When the chase is over and you're in the cab on her way back to her place."
Nace remarked, "I hope you go to her place, if your flat's anything even remotely resembling your desk at work or anyplace you live in around here you'll send her running for sure."
Somewhat more spirited laughter followed, to include Mad Max guffawing loudly over Cecil's typical (dis)organization.
"Alright Trench Poet," Mad Max remarked, "Wot do you think?"
"Oh that's easy, the first kiss." Nace said, with a smile.
"Hah." Cecil remarked, "This from a bloke who's first kiss was his partner at work."
"You wanker." Nace growled at Cecil.
"Wait, what? Who's this partner at work?" Mad Max asked.
"That would be Agent Caitlin Pike." Cecil said, "Brunette, nearing early to middle thirties, keeps herself in good shape..."
"I like this one already." Mad Max remarked, "Come, let's hear it."
Nace remarked, "What's to tell...it was conversation where I mentioned I'd not kissed a woman before and one thing led to another and..."
"Oh Bollocks." Cecil replied, "There's a hell of a lot more to that, Nace."
"Piss off." Nace replied, mildly annoyed.
"Oh for fuck's sake, you lot, what did happen?" Sergeant Angel said, in his best 'Sergeant' voice.
"Right...it all happened in June of last year, I'd just asked Evey out and had a date set up on Friday evening..." Nace said with a tired sigh, after all this lot wasn't gonna let him hear the end of it until he told them, "And by the way, Cecil, you're a complete sod."
---
London, England
United Kingdom
1 June 2005
"Well, you can quit slagging me now." Nace remarked as he walked into the small break room on the third floor of the ACME London Office on Baker Street, "I finally did it."
Caitlin Pike looked up from the coffee pot and poured herself a cup before saying, "And what did she say?"
"Why she said yes, actually." Nace said with a smile.
"Congratulations. Two things, first, would you like some coffee? I just made a pot. And second, what do you have planned?" Caitlin replied.
"First, no thanks on the coffee, if you brewed it." Nace quipped, "If you spill of your coffee near a cemetery you'd inadvertently kick off the zombie apocalypse."
"I see you've absorbed the finer points of humor, Springbok, very good." Caitlin said, lips curving up in a wry smile.
"That wasn't a joke." Nace replied as he reached into the refrigerator and took out a bottle of water and uncapped it, "I swear you should put a warning label on your coffee, it can double as battery acid."
"Strong and bold, the only way to drink coffee. Come on, Nace I grew up in a city that never sleeps." Caitlin replied, "Las Vegas never sleeps."
Caitlin took a long swig of her coffee before saying, "And now on the subject of your date, what are you planning?"
"Well, I thought of something nice and low key. I figured a bit of coffee at Foyle's Bookstore would be a nice place. I've been there a handful of times and think it's got a nicely relaxed sort of atmosphere." Nace said.
"Good, low key sort of place." Caitlin remarked, "So do you hope to get a first kiss out of the deal?"
"I honestly hadn't thought that far ahead, I am hoping for a kiss. After all it would be my first ever." Nace replied as Caitlin began to sip coffee from her mug.
At this Caitlin promptly dropped her mug and began coughing in mid swallow. Nace ran over to her, whacking her on the back a couple times to help her clear her airway until she started to breathe a bit more normally.
"Wait, Nace, how old are you again?" Caitlin asked.
"Twenty-one going on twenty-two next month." Nace replied, sipping his own water, "Why?"
Caitlin flicked a stray strand of her chestnut brown hair away from her face before adding, "You mean to tell me that in twenty-one years you'd never kissed a girl?"
---
Now Zad, Afghanistan
14 February 2006
"Wait, you mean to tell me up to this point you'd never kissed a woman?" Ajay asked, his laptop and the movie he had been watching entirely forgotten at this point.
"For fuck's sake, you lot, Catholic schooling all the way through my educational life doesn't exactly lend itself to these sort of opportunities." Nace shot back.
Mad Max laughed back, "Oh, I don't believe this, your first kiss was from a woman over a decade older than you. You got cougar hunted, mate."
"At least I remember my first kiss you wankers." Nace replied, irritated.
"At least I can't remember my first kiss." Mad Max quipped.
"Max, I have to point out that memory loss of any sort isn't anything to be proud of." Ajay interjected.
"Probably because you'd been hit in the head a few times too many." Nace added.
"Right," Sergeant Angel said, with a grin of his own, "Now let's get back to how Nace got his first kiss from this 'cougar' of a partner he has back in London."
"Right," Nace replied, "It was after Caitlin had recovered her surprise that it all kicked off."
"And that was where I stepped in." Cecil replied, lighting yet another cigarette.
"Will you let me tell the sodding tale you bugger." Nace shot back at Cecil.
---
London, England
United Kingdom
1 June 2005
"So you basically terrified yourself away from a first kiss as a teenager because of especially vivid Dante interpretations and Dominican Friars." Caitlin said, "I have to admit, that's not something I've ever seen before. But what do you think the natural conclusion of a good date is."
"Well, a kiss goodnight generally." Nace replied, somewhat sheepishly.
"Alright." Caitlin said, as she took a couple steps towards Nace, "Knowing that, do you know what to do when that comes about?"
"I would imagine it's instinctive and relatively simple." Nace began, quirking his eyebrows as he spoke.
"You would imagine?" Caitlin said, drawing herself to her 5'7" height, "So you would imagine you know what to do? What is it you always say, training ensures that soldiers know what they're doing."
"I do believe this is a slightly different situation." Nace replied, looking Caitlin in the eye as he spoke.
"Is it? You keep saying you rehearse things in the military to ensure that things are automatic." Caitlin replied, continuing walking up to Nace until they were standing close to each other, "Alright, now imagine I'm Evey and the date's over."
"Are you barking mad?" Nace remarked.
"Will you humor me? I'm trying to ensure you have a good 'end of the first date'." Caitlin replied, taking the final step till they were at an intimate distance by anyone's standards.
"Alright." Nace said as he leaned forward and kissed Caitlin, a light sort of peck on the lips.
"Nace, that's how you kiss your mother." Caitlin said, "Think romance, as much as your Dante shaped psyche will let you think...or even beyond it."
"Right..." Nace said, and this time he tried to let his lips linger on Caitlin's a bit longer, felt Caitlin pull him a bit closer.
"You are a lousy kisser." Caitlin remarked.
"I wasn't trying." Nace replied, "Wait a bloody moment, you were trying?"
"Nace, this isn't going to work if you keep fighting me." Caitlin replied.
"Alright." Nace replied and taking deep breath, closing his eyes, and pulling Caitlin close to him, he let his lips capture her upper lip and letting it linger a bit in fact. He waited a few seconds, eyes closed and the next thing he heard aside from his own and Caitlin's breathing was the sound of a coffee mug breaking and a surprised shout.
"What the hell!?!?" Cecil said as he walked into the room.
---
Now Zad, Afghanistan
14 February 2006
"So let me get this straight," Mad Max said to Cecil, "You heard Nace and Caitlin going on about Nace's parochial schooling and honking about Nace never having kissed a woman in his life until that point when you headed over to the break room."
"Yeah, I had been fixing Caitlin's computer because a software patch didn't go in right and I went to go find her and overheard them talking in the break room." Cecil replied.
"So you were hanging round the outside of the room the entire time and then you announced yourself." Nace replied.
"Well, I'm sorry, how does one announce 'Oi, I'm out here and you two might want to not rehearse a first date's kiss'?" Cecil countered.
"And I'm sure you didn't tell Evey about all this?" Nace said.
"Well, if I told her I would've told her exactly what happened." Cecil said.
"Good story, Nace," Sergeant Angel remarked, "Even though as an experienced lawman I must say kissing one's partner at work isn't the smartest move."
"You might want to let Caitlin know that." Nace replied.
"Oi, Bilby," Mad Max said, "Do you know if she's seeing anyone?"
"As far as I can tell, she isn't." Nace replied, "Why?"
"Good, I've got a month to figure out how to make my move." Mad Max said.
"I don't think you're her type, bru." Nace replied.
"I do believe she does like her men to have brains not scar tissue in lieu of brains." Ajay replied, with a snide grin.
"Not to mention she seems to like them younger." Cecil added.
Laughter echoed amongst the men into the Afghan setting sun as Mad Max grumbled, "Bollocks to you, Cecil."
---
London, England
United Kingdom
11 March 2006
Nace Bilby stepped out of the brown brick building that was part of the Albany Street Barracks near Regent Park that Saturday morning. He walked with several of the blokes out of the building. Ajay had just kissed his wife and was currently beaming as he beheld his three children in their stroller.
Mad Max and Cecil had headed off to the Tube station to get to the nearest pub. He had to smile at the fact that those two had been planning exactly what pubs they were going to the second they got back to the United Kingdom.
He saw Evey just then and ran to meet her, feeling her arms around the back of his neck as his own arms went round her waist. Angling his face to the left a tad so that their noses wouldn't bump, lightly catching her lips with his own. Seeing her eyes close a fraction of a second before his own closed and holding her close to him for several seconds. After a long while letting go and looking into her eyes.
"I missed you." Nace said, with a smile.
"I missed you too." Evey replied as they walked towards the Tube to get back to their flat.
As they got back to their flat Evey began, "Oh, I'd been meaning to tell you, please let Agent Pike know she's a good teacher."
Nace's eyes went wide, "How did you..."
"Cecil told me." Evey remarked, with a smile, "And I have to say that I wouldn't have been able to tell that I was the second woman you'd ever kissed."
"But you are the one I actually try my damndest while kissing." Nace replied, holding the door to their flat open.
"I definitely am grateful for the effort..." Evey said with a smile as she walked past him into the flat before grabbing his arm and tugging him inside.
Now Zad, Afghanistan
14 February 2006
Boredom is an oft feature of military life regardless of the nationality of the soldiers. And on Tuesday the 14th of February 2006, Valentine's Day, boredom did strike the rooftop overlooking the town of Now Zad.
"For fuck's sake." Cecil grumbled, "We haven't even heard a shot fired in anger for a sodding week."
"Mr. 'Kill Something' growing bored is he?" Ajay remarked as he stretched and yawned after setting his binoculars down. The town was practically a ghost town.
Some scattered laughter echoed across the rooftop, namely over Cecil's usual t-shirts that usually had the words Kill Something emblazoned on it.
Mad Max, sitting on top of a quartet of sandbags stacked on the rooftop, rifle on his lap, began, "Well lads, today being Valentine's Day I do believe a bit of intellectual discussion is in order."
"Can you even spell intellectual?" Cecil quipped.
Muted laughing from various bored troopers echoed out. Sergeant Angel lay on his back, head on his backpack, hat pulled over his eyes as he caught a quick catnap.
"Fuck off, Cecil. At least I'm not walking up 'ere on the roof bellowing, 'I'm bored' like an elephant with a hernia." Mad Max countered.
Even more laughter, and from below his hat Sergeant Angel said, "Alright, Max, enlighten us, what is this weighty intellectual matter you wanted to discuss?"
"Well, Boss," Mad Max said, with mock solemness, "Owing to the fact that the lot of us are up here on this roof and not in the company of the fairer sex..."
Max turned over to where Nace sat, reading a Valentine's Day card from Evey with a broad smile on his face, and commented, "At least not in the physical company of the fairer sex."
"Get to the bloody point, Max." Angel remarked.
"Well, I was wondering what you lot think is the best part of relationships with the ladies?" Mad Max said, "Ajay?"
"What do the Yanks say, Plead the fifth?" Ajay remarked as he went over to his laptop, opening it up and turning it on.
"Boring sod you are." Mad Max grumbled, "Cecil?"
"Oh that's easy..." Cecil began, "When the chase is over and you're in the cab on her way back to her place."
Nace remarked, "I hope you go to her place, if your flat's anything even remotely resembling your desk at work or anyplace you live in around here you'll send her running for sure."
Somewhat more spirited laughter followed, to include Mad Max guffawing loudly over Cecil's typical (dis)organization.
"Alright Trench Poet," Mad Max remarked, "Wot do you think?"
"Oh that's easy, the first kiss." Nace said, with a smile.
"Hah." Cecil remarked, "This from a bloke who's first kiss was his partner at work."
"You wanker." Nace growled at Cecil.
"Wait, what? Who's this partner at work?" Mad Max asked.
"That would be Agent Caitlin Pike." Cecil said, "Brunette, nearing early to middle thirties, keeps herself in good shape..."
"I like this one already." Mad Max remarked, "Come, let's hear it."
Nace remarked, "What's to tell...it was conversation where I mentioned I'd not kissed a woman before and one thing led to another and..."
"Oh Bollocks." Cecil replied, "There's a hell of a lot more to that, Nace."
"Piss off." Nace replied, mildly annoyed.
"Oh for fuck's sake, you lot, what did happen?" Sergeant Angel said, in his best 'Sergeant' voice.
"Right...it all happened in June of last year, I'd just asked Evey out and had a date set up on Friday evening..." Nace said with a tired sigh, after all this lot wasn't gonna let him hear the end of it until he told them, "And by the way, Cecil, you're a complete sod."
---
London, England
United Kingdom
1 June 2005
"Well, you can quit slagging me now." Nace remarked as he walked into the small break room on the third floor of the ACME London Office on Baker Street, "I finally did it."
Caitlin Pike looked up from the coffee pot and poured herself a cup before saying, "And what did she say?"
"Why she said yes, actually." Nace said with a smile.
"Congratulations. Two things, first, would you like some coffee? I just made a pot. And second, what do you have planned?" Caitlin replied.
"First, no thanks on the coffee, if you brewed it." Nace quipped, "If you spill of your coffee near a cemetery you'd inadvertently kick off the zombie apocalypse."
"I see you've absorbed the finer points of humor, Springbok, very good." Caitlin said, lips curving up in a wry smile.
"That wasn't a joke." Nace replied as he reached into the refrigerator and took out a bottle of water and uncapped it, "I swear you should put a warning label on your coffee, it can double as battery acid."
"Strong and bold, the only way to drink coffee. Come on, Nace I grew up in a city that never sleeps." Caitlin replied, "Las Vegas never sleeps."
Caitlin took a long swig of her coffee before saying, "And now on the subject of your date, what are you planning?"
"Well, I thought of something nice and low key. I figured a bit of coffee at Foyle's Bookstore would be a nice place. I've been there a handful of times and think it's got a nicely relaxed sort of atmosphere." Nace said.
"Good, low key sort of place." Caitlin remarked, "So do you hope to get a first kiss out of the deal?"
"I honestly hadn't thought that far ahead, I am hoping for a kiss. After all it would be my first ever." Nace replied as Caitlin began to sip coffee from her mug.
At this Caitlin promptly dropped her mug and began coughing in mid swallow. Nace ran over to her, whacking her on the back a couple times to help her clear her airway until she started to breathe a bit more normally.
"Wait, Nace, how old are you again?" Caitlin asked.
"Twenty-one going on twenty-two next month." Nace replied, sipping his own water, "Why?"
Caitlin flicked a stray strand of her chestnut brown hair away from her face before adding, "You mean to tell me that in twenty-one years you'd never kissed a girl?"
---
Now Zad, Afghanistan
14 February 2006
"Wait, you mean to tell me up to this point you'd never kissed a woman?" Ajay asked, his laptop and the movie he had been watching entirely forgotten at this point.
"For fuck's sake, you lot, Catholic schooling all the way through my educational life doesn't exactly lend itself to these sort of opportunities." Nace shot back.
Mad Max laughed back, "Oh, I don't believe this, your first kiss was from a woman over a decade older than you. You got cougar hunted, mate."
"At least I remember my first kiss you wankers." Nace replied, irritated.
"At least I can't remember my first kiss." Mad Max quipped.
"Max, I have to point out that memory loss of any sort isn't anything to be proud of." Ajay interjected.
"Probably because you'd been hit in the head a few times too many." Nace added.
"Right," Sergeant Angel said, with a grin of his own, "Now let's get back to how Nace got his first kiss from this 'cougar' of a partner he has back in London."
"Right," Nace replied, "It was after Caitlin had recovered her surprise that it all kicked off."
"And that was where I stepped in." Cecil replied, lighting yet another cigarette.
"Will you let me tell the sodding tale you bugger." Nace shot back at Cecil.
---
London, England
United Kingdom
1 June 2005
"So you basically terrified yourself away from a first kiss as a teenager because of especially vivid Dante interpretations and Dominican Friars." Caitlin said, "I have to admit, that's not something I've ever seen before. But what do you think the natural conclusion of a good date is."
"Well, a kiss goodnight generally." Nace replied, somewhat sheepishly.
"Alright." Caitlin said, as she took a couple steps towards Nace, "Knowing that, do you know what to do when that comes about?"
"I would imagine it's instinctive and relatively simple." Nace began, quirking his eyebrows as he spoke.
"You would imagine?" Caitlin said, drawing herself to her 5'7" height, "So you would imagine you know what to do? What is it you always say, training ensures that soldiers know what they're doing."
"I do believe this is a slightly different situation." Nace replied, looking Caitlin in the eye as he spoke.
"Is it? You keep saying you rehearse things in the military to ensure that things are automatic." Caitlin replied, continuing walking up to Nace until they were standing close to each other, "Alright, now imagine I'm Evey and the date's over."
"Are you barking mad?" Nace remarked.
"Will you humor me? I'm trying to ensure you have a good 'end of the first date'." Caitlin replied, taking the final step till they were at an intimate distance by anyone's standards.
"Alright." Nace said as he leaned forward and kissed Caitlin, a light sort of peck on the lips.
"Nace, that's how you kiss your mother." Caitlin said, "Think romance, as much as your Dante shaped psyche will let you think...or even beyond it."
"Right..." Nace said, and this time he tried to let his lips linger on Caitlin's a bit longer, felt Caitlin pull him a bit closer.
"You are a lousy kisser." Caitlin remarked.
"I wasn't trying." Nace replied, "Wait a bloody moment, you were trying?"
"Nace, this isn't going to work if you keep fighting me." Caitlin replied.
"Alright." Nace replied and taking deep breath, closing his eyes, and pulling Caitlin close to him, he let his lips capture her upper lip and letting it linger a bit in fact. He waited a few seconds, eyes closed and the next thing he heard aside from his own and Caitlin's breathing was the sound of a coffee mug breaking and a surprised shout.
"What the hell!?!?" Cecil said as he walked into the room.
---
Now Zad, Afghanistan
14 February 2006
"So let me get this straight," Mad Max said to Cecil, "You heard Nace and Caitlin going on about Nace's parochial schooling and honking about Nace never having kissed a woman in his life until that point when you headed over to the break room."
"Yeah, I had been fixing Caitlin's computer because a software patch didn't go in right and I went to go find her and overheard them talking in the break room." Cecil replied.
"So you were hanging round the outside of the room the entire time and then you announced yourself." Nace replied.
"Well, I'm sorry, how does one announce 'Oi, I'm out here and you two might want to not rehearse a first date's kiss'?" Cecil countered.
"And I'm sure you didn't tell Evey about all this?" Nace said.
"Well, if I told her I would've told her exactly what happened." Cecil said.
"Good story, Nace," Sergeant Angel remarked, "Even though as an experienced lawman I must say kissing one's partner at work isn't the smartest move."
"You might want to let Caitlin know that." Nace replied.
"Oi, Bilby," Mad Max said, "Do you know if she's seeing anyone?"
"As far as I can tell, she isn't." Nace replied, "Why?"
"Good, I've got a month to figure out how to make my move." Mad Max said.
"I don't think you're her type, bru." Nace replied.
"I do believe she does like her men to have brains not scar tissue in lieu of brains." Ajay replied, with a snide grin.
"Not to mention she seems to like them younger." Cecil added.
Laughter echoed amongst the men into the Afghan setting sun as Mad Max grumbled, "Bollocks to you, Cecil."
---
London, England
United Kingdom
11 March 2006
Nace Bilby stepped out of the brown brick building that was part of the Albany Street Barracks near Regent Park that Saturday morning. He walked with several of the blokes out of the building. Ajay had just kissed his wife and was currently beaming as he beheld his three children in their stroller.
Mad Max and Cecil had headed off to the Tube station to get to the nearest pub. He had to smile at the fact that those two had been planning exactly what pubs they were going to the second they got back to the United Kingdom.
He saw Evey just then and ran to meet her, feeling her arms around the back of his neck as his own arms went round her waist. Angling his face to the left a tad so that their noses wouldn't bump, lightly catching her lips with his own. Seeing her eyes close a fraction of a second before his own closed and holding her close to him for several seconds. After a long while letting go and looking into her eyes.
"I missed you." Nace said, with a smile.
"I missed you too." Evey replied as they walked towards the Tube to get back to their flat.
As they got back to their flat Evey began, "Oh, I'd been meaning to tell you, please let Agent Pike know she's a good teacher."
Nace's eyes went wide, "How did you..."
"Cecil told me." Evey remarked, with a smile, "And I have to say that I wouldn't have been able to tell that I was the second woman you'd ever kissed."
"But you are the one I actually try my damndest while kissing." Nace replied, holding the door to their flat open.
"I definitely am grateful for the effort..." Evey said with a smile as she walked past him into the flat before grabbing his arm and tugging him inside.
maybe one of the curators could dress up like him
