Babes in Toyland 3: The Witches Brew(Working Title) Prologue

[Tenchi Masaki]

This story was approved by the production code administration of the storybook Producers & Distributors of America. Certificate NO.401

Released as declassified information under permission by the Northern Intelligence Administration for the purpose of a reading or audiobook series of formatted bedtime stories to help children sleep.







Jack B. Nimble………........Tenchi Masaki

Mary Contrary……………..Kylie Griffin

Mami Kashiwagi................Herself

Bari Kashiwagi..................Herself

Tom Piper.………………….Himself



Little Bo Peep……..……………Herself



Silas Barnaby…………………Himself



Georgie Porgy………………..Himself



The Jester……………Theodore West



Walter Wiley………………….Himself



Charlet Saylor………….…….Herself



Laverna Heist…………..…….Herself



Carmen Sandiego……….….Herself



Zack Monaghan………..….Himself



Ivy Monaghan…………..….Herself



Tatiana Cerileva Ezrin……..Herself



Paige Turner……..………….Herself



Sachi Karin…………………..Herself



Candy Corn……………..……Herself



Cabochon Diamond……….Herself



Ruslan………………………....Himself



Anya White………………….Herself



Pecos Bill……………………..Himself



D.Va…………………………….Herself



Pretty Bomber………………Herself



Miss Honey………………..…Herself



Kotetsu………………………..Himself



Bagura………………………..Himself



Nancy Drew…………………Herself



Jenny Leclue…………….….Herself



Carson Drew………………Himself



Phoenix Wright……………Himself



Apollo Justice…………….Himself



Everett Dred……………….Himself



Casey Hughes………………Himself



Humpty Dumpty..………Himself





And



Bill Paxton as the Toymail Boss











The Emblem Warriors





Marth……………………….Himself



Ike……………………………Himself



Roy………………………….Himself



Lucina……………………Herself



Robin……………………..Himself





S.T.E.A.M.



Henry Fleming……….......Himself



John Henry………......…...Himself



Tom Sawyer…….………….Himself



Dorothy Gale………………..Herself



Scarecrow……………………Himself



Tin Man………………………Himself



Lion……………………………..Himself



The Fox………………………Herself



Queequeg……………………Himself



Randolph Carter………...Himself



Califia………………………..Herself





The Five Dastardly Bombers



Plasma Bomber………………..Himself



Golem Bomber……..…….……Himself



Magnet Bomber………….…….Himself



Phantom Bomber………………Himself



Elf Troopers



Red Trooper



Black Trooper



Blue Trooper



Pink Trooper



Yellow Trooper



Special Guests



The Nutcracker Prince……….………………………Hans



Queen Anne of Hearts……………………………….Anne



Ole King Cole…………………………………………..Cole



The Little Old Lady Who Lived in a Shoe………………………Mother Hubbard



The Lord of Toys the, Santa Claus…………………………………….Saint Nicholas Claus



Toyland, Toyland



Little girl and boy land



While you dwell within it



You are ever happy there



Childhood’s joy land



Mystic merry Toyland



Once you pass its borders



You can ne’er return again



When you’ve grown up, my dears



And are as old as I



You’ll laugh and ponder on the years



That roll so swiftly by, my dears



That roll so swiftly by



Childhood’s joy land



Mystic merry Toyland



Once you pass its borders



You can ne’er return again



Hello, I’m Alice Pleasance Liddell, and my life is not what it should be. It should have me as the model of perfection and placed above you all at the center of the world’s attention. It all started because of her. That wretched little bug. Her horrible friends. That miserable town of Toyland. They cost me everything. But now she will pay...



As Alice ended her introduction to Bad-Anon, the room applauded in support of their newest unexpected member. Clyde, waiting for everyone’s clapping to cease, said, “Ms Liddell, your ambitions for vengeance aren’t wrong, dear, just misplaced. You must learn to channel your inner negative feelings towards positive life goals.” Alice, sneering at the thought, said, “There is nothing more positive than destroying my enemies! All of them! Starting with that hack of a Queen Anne and then the main course, that goodie gumdrop Charlet!”



Clyde was used to villains in denial; some were more vocal about it than others. But he always told them that every villain’s healing process was different. Clyde, calm as ever, said, “Well, ms Liddell, all you have to do is accept that being bad doesn’t make you bad. That being said, don’t worry too much about heroes’ lives. They have problems just like everyone else.” Accepting that the happily ever after trope was 100% true, Alice said, “Oh please, I’m sure Charlet is being adored by everyone right now as we speak.”



It would seem that some people have moved on from the last time we met. In contrast, some had other ideas they planned on enacting. It wasn’t lost on either world, ours or Toyland, that Alice had been found guilty of crimes against the State and the Crown. While the denizens of Toyland were able to learn the whole story of Alice’s treachery, our world was not so lucky. Jack B. Nimble and Mary Contrary handled the relevant information regarding Emerald Empire Corporation and its CEO, Alice. King Cole and his lovely wife, the Queen of Hearts, Anne, had ensured all forces loyal to the Emerald Empire were exposed across the land. At the same time, the people of Toyland thanked their heroes, Jack, Mary, Tom Piper, Little Bo Peep, Gabby, Georgie Porgy, Pecos Bill, D.va, Ruslan, and our little Charlet.



That is how Toyland knows them; of course, the general population routinely talks of the little girl and boy who came to town and stopped that wicked miser Barnaby. Who, by the way, was running Bogey Town as usual. He, along with Jester, Bagura, and Walter, ensured things were as unpleasant as possible. Cabbie found being the wife of the town “hero” was its own reward—namely, constant attention and the envious ire of the girls.



The forces of doom had to contend with their protege Alice and her newfound vengeance. Like a spoiled child, Alice felt entitled to anything she wanted but thought she was within reason. She decided she knew more than older, more experienced people around her and that they could only get in the way of her genius and insight. These beliefs weren’t a problem until Alice gained power and influence through the Emerald Empire. Her position meant you had to listen to her or risk losing your position.



From rambling nonsensical plans to interrupting people with her ideas, everyone in earshot grew afraid. Alice was smiling and serene, and people felt it was almost as if she wasn’t even speaking to them as people but rather as dolls in an elaborate tea party or dollhouse display. Apparently, “Main character syndrome” was an understatement, but she assured everyone she would be heard and they would listen.



That was until her downfall. Afterward, people thought themselves rid of her. But sadly, that was wishful thinking, as her army of overpaid lawyers issued appeals, and Alice was transferred to a minimum security mansion. An aggressive PR campaign by the Emerald Empire Corporation called “EEC is for me!” ran damage control. They told the public the company was “cleaning house” and ensuring the customer came first. Lazy consumerists were pleased, and EEC’s sales stabilized. All that was left was rebuilding upper management.

 

[Tenchi Masaki]

All that really meant was finding people who could endure Alice’s insufferable faux-serenity. Preferably self-absorbed people with nothing better to do than stare at their precious Galapagos Phones rather than question her orders. That way, they could talk about pointless superficial things all work day. Alice even thought, “Why should I be stuck in the office all day?” Alice thought to herself. “We need to diversify our… workspaces! The more teas and cakes, the better!”



Well, it seemed Alice was intent on building a social circle to rival Laverna’s ever-growing network of friends and allies. Maybe she thought the grass was greener on the other side. Or perhaps Alice just wanted to slight Queen Anne. Yes, that was probably the one, as she had decided her misfortunes were all Anne’s fault. With the expected gaps in logic and mental gymnastics, Alice was known for she came to realize the “truth”.



Anne had constructed an intricate web of people who were brainwashed into an alleged neutral position. But in reality, they were made to believe in things that would naturally turn them against Alice, all the while the Queen played innocent. The people would then reject her wisdom and believe whatever Anne told them. This naturally led to individuals rising up to be the voice of the peasant masses, specifically Charlet Saylor.



Neither Mary nor Bo drew her attention. This was understandable as they were already established in their social circle. However, Charlet was like her, except for a problem: She always got what she wanted, so Alice thought. Even more annoying was that she called herself Laverna, which became quite a discussion among the people of Toyland. This was owing to her actions during the attack by the Masterminds. Having helped stop Barnaby and his cohorts made her a hero.



Alice decided she wouldn’t be seen as the villain if it wasn’t for Laverna and her friends, Miss Honey and Pretty Bomber, meddling in the Emerald Empire. She shuddered with disgust as she remembered them waltzing into the office like they were special. First impressions are everything, so they say. And Alice decided that Laverna must have been a plant set up by Anne to steal her spotlight. As a result, it was her duty to expose this pretender and put Anne in her place.



All she needed to do was reorganize her employees and business a bit and then track her down. Calls went out to all those interested in profits over people, and the auditions were off to a devilish start. The fact that she was already facing multiple counts meant nothing in the business world. All that mattered was you avoided the consequences and made your investors money. Once preliminary planning was done, scouts went out in search of the enemies of the Emerald Empire.



They looked near and far hither and yon, but no matter where they searched, they could not find Laverna. Not only that, but Miss Honey and Pretty Bomber were not turning up either. It didn’t help that they were looking in well-populated areas where reputable types hung out. But that worked to our hero’s advantage in the end. All the scouts were recalled and faced a very humiliating debriefing by Alice. But one of them would not give up so easily.



As Alice paraded up and down the line of disgraced underlings looking prim and proper. The scouts looked down in shame, except for one who decided to voice his well-thought-out plan. Well, it was well thought out to him, at least as he waited for his moment to speak. Alice said, “I expect progress to be made on this matter. As you know, my brilliance shines brightly and should never be dimmed by the shade of failure.”



As the scouts tried to make sense of Alice’s rambling lecture, she continued full steam ahead. Alice’s arms folded behind her back, looking forward, confidently said, “And that is why we shall all learn to shine and glow and spark as well; yes, being sparkly would do nicely.” Alice then looked at one of the scouts, fidgeting with anticipation. Alice, not being able to stand it any longer, said, “Are you ready to glow for me? Mr. What’s your name?”



The scout immediately puffed up his chest to look more menacing as he shouted, “The blonde Doll idol shall be found and massacred! Then she will feel the power of Christopher Miller!” Alice made it clear that the only power Laverna would be feeling was hers and that he should get his descriptions in order. Laverna had black hair, green eyes, fair skin, and a petite physique.



Chris assured Alice that his way of describing people was completely normal as long as he got one detail right. She was a girl, and that was enough to go on. Alice rightly asked if he was an idiot, and he assured her that if an image of Laverna could be formed, it would match the description that others use. This was just his way of doing things that made him special. Alice decided that a scout, with his determination, would fare better than a dozen and tasked him with continuing the search. Chris then did a dynamic hero pose and ran off to stop the evil Laverna.

 

[Tenchi Masaki]

While people were using their own methods to find Laverna, they should have asked Carmen Sandiego. Though finding her would be next to impossible, they could at least say they tried their best. Carmen did want what was best for Laverna, and the best things in life were stolen. Or instead, as she had been thinking lately, cooked. Adults in Laverna’s life had decided aside from thievery, she should know how to feed herself and others. Namely hungry Vile members.



Laverna, however, wholeheartedly disagreed. Maybe it was the smoke and heat radiating in her face. Or maybe it was having to deal with Vic the Slick’s “food” products. As she read the recipe card to make sure she got all the steps over again, Laverna, clad in well-worn cooking garb, wondered if she could take a break at Duplin Winery down the road. Hmm, let’s see…



Ingredients



Several hundred whole chickens and/or several hundred of Vic the Slick’s Blarg!? I Can’t Believe it Ain’t Chicken!



200 hundred gallons of vegetable oil



Hope and prayers if you use Vic the Slicks products



Cooking directions



Place an extremely large, 2-ton, 15-foot wide frying pan on a suitably large stovetop that uses at least 40 propane burners. Pour in the oil and bring to a boil. Carefully add all of the whole chickens, and fry for the desired amount of time. If, for whatever desperate reason, you add Vic’s Blarg!? Chickens pray extensively during the uncanning and frying process, and maybe you’ll get something close to edible.



Laverna, thinking to herself, figured Vic was insisting on his “food” being served as part of his “Feed ’em free, then we’ll see!” marketing strategy to his fellow Vile members. Those who didn’t end up in a hospital might buy it regularly. “Good luck with that, Vic,” Laverna said to herself as she stepped back from the frying inferno. She saw that the oil was lovely and bubbly with no smoke, which meant only one thing. Laverna said, “Time to chuck some chicks.”



It should go without saying that tossing anything into boiling oil won’t end well. Still, Laverna was not an experienced cook, to say the least. Plus, rushing to get a job done makes a sloppy dinner. Laverna gave a quick scream as she hopped back from the pan as the chickens fell in. Hot oil splashed out of the pan as the crackling sound roared outward. Laverna said, “Ah! Dodged a grease bullet. Why does oil have to pop so much?”



As the chickens fried away, Laverna decided she wanted to play, or more precisely, go back to before filling the 176-square-foot pan and grease skating. As Laverna sat on the six-foot-long panhandle, she decided anything was better than this. It was bad enough she had been given the job of making dinner. But to have Carmen make it a mystery game was just too much. Laverna shuddered as she remembered the clues.



Laverna, you have shown an apparent lack of initiative lately. But the best way to solve that issue is to send you to a hill of roses where chickens learn to fry. There, you can take time to reflect on your actions and don’t even think about attending the jubilee, young lady. It’s not the time.

Criminally yours, Carmen



Laverna couldn’t believe this was her fate: frying chicken for dinner. If anyone said, “Winner, winner, chicken dinner,” when she got back, they were going to get it. Rose Hill had the frying pan, and Laverna was feeling fired up. Sure, she was doing this meal prep in broad daylight when she was told to sneak in at night. But that would take too long, and Laverna had things to do. So she decided to get the frying over with as soon as possible and go on a tour of 505 North Sycamore Street.



Sadly, her “accidental” winery tour plans would have to wait, as the locals noticed her illegal frying activities. Seeing their precious frying pan being used without permission and outside of the fall season made them quite upset. As they descended on the gazebo, they called out to the rogue cook, demanding she halt her unauthorized frying. Though it was difficult to hear anything over the roar of the pan.



Laverna, thinking they were there for free chicken, hopped off the panhandle to confront them. However, on closer inspection, she saw people wearing chicken hats and holding signs saying things ranging from “No Spring chickens!” to “Chicks don’t fry in this kitchen! Until Fall, then it’s just fine!” and “Those who wait to fry are okay with this guy!” Laverna said, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” The leader of the group, Mr. Ramsay, hearing this, said, “No, we’re clucking serious, you wayward fryer!”



Laverna, not wanting to antagonize the mob further, tried reasoning with them. But as this was Laverna, we’re talking about what happened next, which was sadly predictable. The people tried to explain to Laverna that not following rules and doing what you want only leads to trouble. Laverna defiantly said that’s why kids are better than adults in general. Mr. Ramsay, a tall, bearded, muscular man in a formal white suit, red tie, and gleaming silver rooster brooch, stepped forward through the crowd. He said, “Repent of your carnivorous sins, young one, for you must prepare for the trials ahead.” Laverna skeptically said, “Or what, you’ll use the power of Foghorn Leghorn?”

 

[Tenchi Masaki]

Laverna then rushed toward Mr. Ramsay, trying to scatter the crowd by taking out their leader. Mr. Ramsay effortlessly grabbed her wrist and used her own momentum to flip her and drop her on the ground. Laverna thought to herself, “Crap! I’m not in Toyland anymore, am I?” Laverna managed to stand up and said, “If you really are Mr. Ramsay, why didn’t you stop me from doing this sooner?” Mr. Ramsay said, “You should be asking, why didn’t you stop yourself?”



Laverna angrily said, “I’ve had enough of this clucking chicken intervention! I’m off to Duplin!” Unfortunately for Laverna’s travel plans from one crime to potentially another, a familiar face appeared to take her into custody, Kate Walker. A few early observers had seen Laverna and decided to take a less direct approach, namely calling the cops. It should go without saying that no beat cop was interested in even attempting to deal with anyone in VILE except maybe day-one rookies. So, the call was quickly forwarded to ACME.



Encounters between cops and VILE mainly were by circumstance, as most world authorities knew not to waste time and resources chasing VILE thieves. They chose to save themselves the embarrassment and, more importantly, the attention of Carmen Sandiego. But when VILE crooks are near, ACME will appear!” Or at least that’s what the cheesy 80’s ad said anyway. Kate was thinking on the way to the scene about why ACME hadn’t invested in new marketing ads.



Then again, as she chuckled to herself, her biggest adventures were outside of areas known for modern things. But the reminiscing would have to wait as she left Duplin Winery and drove the last six blocks to the crime scene. Upon her arrival, she saw a furious girl slinging poultry-laced profanities. Kate said, “Ah, that must be her.” Kate approached the crowd and said, “Hello, Mr. Ramsay. I’m Detective Walker from ACME Detective Agency. I’ll deal with your little chicken hawk squawking away.”



Mr Ramsay, eying Kate up and down, said, “This child is not ready for what lies ahead. We have lost so much time, but there is no one else. However, with the right teachers, she can stop what is to come. That and you have won the contest for being last to show up as such and have won a free date with me.” Kate had learned quite well to not question prophetic-sounding diatribes and also hadn’t lost her ability to shoot down pickup lines. Kate said, “I’m flattered, Mr.Ramsay, but I’m not going to be your mother hen.”



The crowd burst out laughing at the poultry references reached fever pitch. All except Laverna, who was quite interested in regaining attention. Laverna said, “Oh ha ha ha, that was SO funny. Not! Do you think you can just show up and arrest me? Ha, that’s rich! I’m trained by the great Carmen Sandiego herself! So get ready for a major battle that will leave these people shocked and awed! Ha ha ha ha!” Kate, hearing the outburst, whipped out a folded piece of paper, which unfolded for Laverna to read.



Laverna’s eyes widened as she read not only Carmen’s but Tenchi’s handwriting. Apparently, Carmen had contacted Tenchi in desperation, and they had come to a decision after thinking things over. And to a surprised Laverna, its contents were anything but good. The note said,



“Laverna! For this irresponsible transgression against your crooked duties, you are hereby double grounded. You are to cease any and all crime-related activities this instant! Where did I go right with you!? If I didn’t know you better, I’d say you intentionally sabotaged this operation, which was to feed your starving, felonious, fast-fingered fellows. If it wasn’t for Vic’s questionable food offerings, They would be going to sleep with empty bellies. And you should know how hard it is to steal anything when your growling tummy is giving away your location, young lady! Think about your actions today carefully. I will not have another Double Trouble bringing shame to our disreputable name! I would continue, but what is the point? I say things to you, but you do what you want. So now we let your other employer say his piece.” “Ahem, I can’t believe I’m getting to say this second as your employment to me is entirely LEGAL, but that can wait. Apparently, you have yet to understand the ideas of patience and thinking things through before you proceed. That is unfortunate; your recklessness hasresulted in the misuse of oversized cookware and upset the poultry-crazed populace. You have no idea of the gravity of your actions today, do you? Of course not, which is why you are hereby double-grounded! Your candy salary is cut off, and you lose access to all Home 01 tech until further notice! That includes Black Magic,Missy! You are to be escorted by Miss Walker to Kylie and me for transport to serve out your double-grounding and be given further instructions. As a wise man once said, “We cannot fix mistakes by employing the kind of thinking we used to create them.” - Albert Einstein. To that end, your punishment will include reflecting on your actions and writing a 5000-word essay on the perils of hasty decisions! We will talk more in person soon, ferret.



Carmen: “Hey, now, Tenchi. I’m wondering why you aren’t finishing the “talk” in this letter?” Tenchi: “What the-, How are you doing this? This is a pre-written letter!” Carmen: “I’m Carmen Sandiego, honey.” Tenchi: “Not only is that not an answer, But it’s also a little ego-focused.”



Carmen: “You would think a detective would figure out when ancient relics are used, as well as to be more efficient.” Tenchi: “Ha, that’s rich. You’re dodging the accusation just like the long arm of the law.” Carmen: “It’s not long enough to touch me, dear.” “Oh my god, enough of this physics-defying post-note commentary! I will not be intimidated by stationary! Both of you will learn to respect the law, starting with ferret learning to respect proper cooking rules and you not using your half of the Globe carelessly.”



Carmen: “I’m pretty sure when it’s your world, it’s your rules.”

Tenchi: “That world is the Globe, and you and I have half of it.” Carmen: “Then I guess our world, our rules, will have to do. See you next crime, Tenchi.”

 

[Tenchi Masaki]

As the techno-magic exchange implied, Carmen and Tenchi decided Laverna was getting too out of hand and that she needed time off from thievery and lab assistant responsibilities. Laverna disagreed, but her hands were tied, both literally and figuratively. The only thing Laverna did was shed tears, trying to comprehend what she had done to get such a response. But that is the blessing of being young. Not knowing why others are upset and boldly claiming you are in the right no matter what adults say. What made things worse as Laverna looked around Kate’s car was that Kate got to go where she wanted, like famed wineries, as the immaculate bottles suggested.



As Laverna stared at the bottles, she grew more frustrated with her current plight. Laverna said, “Armed Forces Wine, American Port, and Huckleberry. Oh, what’s this one? Queen Anne’s Revenge. Yup, I would try that one first. The Queen of Hearts would understand me, after all. Her whites are First Responders Wine, Sweet Lily, Scupper…nong?, and Southern Mist... Blushes? What is blush wine? Better not tip the adult off that I don’t know that. Um, Scuppernong Blush Reserve, ug, that word again Blush Reserve, Evening Frost, Orange Blossom, and Bald Head Red. Gosh, it’s like they come up with names to throw people off.”



Laverna stared at the bottles glistening in the sunlight. She suddenly started to feel being able to buy them would be way more meaningful than stealing them. The mascara had run its course down Laverna’s face, the telltale sign a girl was crying. Laverna planned on riding in silence, but that wasn’t precisely ACME’s style. Witty banter and positive reinforcement were the goals of ACME conversations most of the time. And for Laverna, that time was now. Laverna, however, tried to prevent this at all costs and started to sing.



You ask me why I change the color of my hair, yeah

You ask me why I need thirty-two pairs of shoes, yeah

You seem to ask why I got a lot of things

It’s just a chick thing; you outta let it go-



At this, Kate, holding back a laugh, said, “I happen to be one of those lifeforms called “girl” too, Miss Saylor.” Laverna was surprised that her spontaneous song could be stopped cold and realized that Kate must have “Main character” status as well. Bracing for the coming onslaught of morals and lighthearted topics, Laverna puffed up her cheeks by instinctively drawing on her inner child, Charlet. Kate said, your law-breaking aside, children always do things that, in their minds, are right. However, having a solid frame of reference is necessary to make responsible decisions.



Laverna, not wanting a lecture, cut her off and said, “Oh my god, you ACMES are all campy corn cops, aren’t ya? Unless you haven’t noticed, I’m a thief. My job is to make reckless decisions and laugh while doing it. MWA HA HA HA!” To this, Kate gave an all too familiar and fear-inspiring silence. Making any misbehaving kid immediately know they misspoke. Laverna had learned this quite well around Carmen and strived to know her bounds or face her wrath.



This had consequently given Laverna the ability to know when to stop talking when all her other traits were quite the contrary. Kate quickly realized what the adults in her life were expressing concerns about. If Laverna continued down this road, she would only get into more trouble. This was why Tenchi and Kylie were staging an intervention in their own unique way.



Kate was more than happy to help as memories of the Splash Squad triumphing over Sachi Karin and Candy Corn were on her mind. If ACME and VILE could work together to help them, they could do the same for Laverna. All they had to do was be patient. Kate said, “Wine is an acquired taste most forget gaining. And which children should never get to remember.” Laverna, trying not to look confused, said, “I-I already knew that, of course! Just like your wines are red, white, and blush!”



Kate, amused, said, “Those particular spirits are called blushes. I got all these from Duplin Winery, which is a short way from here. Oh, it was splendid! I can hardly wait to go again, but, tee-hee, I reserve trips for restocking my fuel supply.” Laverna, not sure if Kate was talking about wine or a gas station, said, “Wineries are for bad people, and sure, getaway vehicles can use wine if needed. But the last thing we need is to have disreputable locations besmirched by law-abiding goody goods.” Kate said, “Wineries, especially ones like Duplin, are actually very nice and upstanding locations.”



Laverna already felt it was terrible enough that Kate got to go where she wanted, like Duplin, but to learn there were locations plural was too much. Laverna placed her hands on her head as reality spun out of control. Laverna, eyes closed and trying to stay as calm as possible, said through gritted teeth, “Oh really, do tell.” Kate began describing the winery so well Laverna may as well have been there on tour. Kate said, “The atmosphere is lovely, as are the people, well, when they aren’t trying to fry you alive for using their Uber-sized cookware. The one here in North Carolina is the most prominent wine-making facility on the East Coast. Wine tours are 13.00 dollars and, of course, are only for people 21 years or older.”



“You start at the crushing pad where juicy grapes are transformed into wines. The juice is stored in steel tanks that hold over one and a half million gallons of wine goodness. Then, you continue on to the bottling lines, where you get to sample two wines and have a bottle made while you are there to take home with you! Laverna said, “Yay! I’m so glad you’re enjoying this vivid trip down short-term memory lane.” Kate said, “As am I! The food is delicious whether it’s the cheesecake or the gourmet cheeses and crackers they have for wine tasting.”

 

[Tenchi Masaki]

Kate had made it clear on this flashback-fueled tour that Duplin had a lot to offer. Laverna would have loved to get off the memory train, but Kate wasn’t done yet. Kate said, “Oh, and I would be remiss if I didn’t bring us to the wine tasting where people are treated to ten wines, cheese dip, and crackers, I mentioned those already, didn’t I? Anyway, after that, I went to their restaurant called The Bistro and had the delicious chicken scallopini. Finally, I bought some things from the store as well as a few wines to refill my cabinet.”

Laverna, having endured the wine exposition, said, “W-why can’t I get the taste of your memory crackers out of my mouth!? Who would want to go to Duplin? I don’t need their adult stuff anyway.” Kate said, “Oh, that’s just fine, honey. They have alcohol-free sweetzers for children.” To this, Laverna screamed in utter frustration as the car continued driving along to its intended location.

Kate mentioned to Laverna that wine could also be used in other ways, such as cooking. Kate then said, “And in certain circumstances as potions and a source of fuel. Hans was very particular about that point. He was a great scientist and genius inventor I was fortunate enough to meet. We had many thrilling adventures with him.” Laverna said, “Oh, I’m sorry, Miss Adult, who is this “we” you are referring to?. And I’m pretty sure wine isn’t a potion or gas.”

Kate said, “The “we” in question were Tenchi, Kylie, Zack, Rock, Polly, Ann, Carmen, Patty, Hans, Oscar, and myself. Though the Peaky Blinders played their parts as well. We handled the Syberia case. Though I’m sure, Tenchi and Carmen mentioned it to you.” Laverna, shocked, said, “What!? You were mentored by a smarty pants inventor who gave you unwarranted access to highly experimental and dangerous devices you were too inexperienced to handle while helping stop the evil forces of Zalmoxis while he spouted moral values!?”

Kate, happy Laverna was beginning to understand, said, “Yeah.” It went without saying the two of them had started on different paths. One was a lawyer, and the other was a thief. But both of their potential was recognized by Tenchi and Hans. All they had to do was realize what they were capable of. Kate had gone on from lawyer to adventurer detective, while Laverna had become the savior of Toyland.

When they arrived, Laverna found herself feeling apprehensive as she realized two familiar faces were outside waiting for her. The rear car door opened automatically as Tenchi and Kylie sat in the front seats. Laverna bid Kate a fond farewell, opened the car door, and crawled into the backseat of Tenchi’s car, Roadie Vector. Laverna did not need to say hi to people she knew so well. At the same time as adult parties that were part of her punishment, she didn’t have to speak to them either. Laverna positioned herself lying down on the seat, her legs resting up on the box on the other side.

Somehow, Laverna had managed to make a makeshift space for herself to mope in. Her bags were on the floor on her side, and that’s how she wanted them. It would be considered unsafe to ride in a car this way, but Tenchi was a proficient driver, and the car was Roadie. He was one of two cars developed by Tenchi, the other being his brother Wheels Mustang. They both had modules in the front of their respective car bodies, which could be easily removed and carried around by a handle on top if needed.

The modules had retro pixelated faces consisting of eyebrows, eyes, nose, and mouth on a black monitor. Since the portable modules were the “brains” of Roadie and Wheels, they didn’t miss out on social gatherings and other significant events because they were stuck in a garage. Or, in this case, adult intervention with a lab assistant. Laverna was trying to enter her own world, where none of this was happening. There was no punishment or loss of privileges, and everything was going to be okay.

But try as she might, all she did was gaze at the roof of the car while Tenchi and Kylie discussed the situation. Tenchi eyes on the road said, “And that’s why this is all going to work. She needs guidance along with a work ethic to restabilize her worldview.” Kylie, as uncheerful as ever, said, “I’m pretty sure you can find ways to talk about this without involving science-speak. She needs to know practical ways of dealing with people, good or bad. That chicken situation looked bad for everyone.” Tenchi looked as much as possible at Kylie without losing sight of the road and said, “That’s why Mami will do the job.”

Kylie decided that Tenchi was aware of undisclosed information about Mami. Her plan was to get him to narrow down the details concerning Laverna as Mami was, to be blunt, a psycho-taskmaster. As usual, Kylie, being his friend and partner in crime fighting, knew Tenchi had his reasons, but this meant that Laverna would be dropped off where Mami currently resided. And as they were in North America, that meant only one thing. The car drove along, and Laverna felt the road bump and dip as they navigated. Of course, Roadie would prefer to do all the driving in Auto mode as opposed to the Semi-auto mode they were currently in.

But once Roadie realized where they were heading, he prepared himself with a countdown timer as he couldn’t wait for complete control. This was based on previous drivings with Tenchi or Kylie at the wheel. Usually, Tenchi drove Roadie, and Kylie drove Wheels, but the two car brothers exchanged data constantly. Wheels was not happy to be left out, but this was a sudden detour, and he understood the reasons behind the decision to handle this as soon as possible. Laverna went from feeling the sensation of asphalt to grass and dirt and then... water. Laverna slowly rose up enough to see out the window and saw they were driving on the ocean.

She lowered herself just as slowly back into her original position as she knew what was coming next. Roadie had performed all necessary checks to his systems as He said, “Hydro-mode Engaged!” Roadie had retracted his wheels and been coasting on his underside once they had hit shallow water. This was an upgrade to the original Hydro-mode and meant the car could act as a sort of speed boat instead of fully transitioning to Hydro-mode. However, as part of the Trans-Atlantic navigation, all three modes are required. Pontoons lowered from the underside, lifting Roadie up off the water. They sped along steadily, increasing speed. Tenchi maxed out the throttle as he initiated hover mode and switched to full-auto mode. Roadie, now in total control, saw the countdown reach zero as he said, “Hover mode engaged! Thrusters are green! Boost mode engaged! Up is go in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, GO!”

Roadie blasted forward at full throttle as the pontoons retracted back into the underside. The center of the hubcap area of each of the wheels started thrusting, enabling the car to float above the water angled up. What Tenchi had executed by shifting modes in this way was getting the boost function to propel them in an arc as opposed to straight ahead. Not only would it get them above pesky waves, but it also looked really cool. It would be a few hours before they reached their destination, not that Laverna was concerned with where they were going anyway. She figured there were far more interesting things happening to people somewhere out there.

Alice Liddel was that interesting person, and unfortunately, the things she was making happen were anything but good. Not that she cared what others thought about what she did, good or bad. And the bad she was planning would start at sea. Alice had come to understand that running a corporate empire relied heavily on trade routes. And the most important of those were by sea. To that end, Alice had come to a decision while pacing around in her office. Of course, this actually meant people who knew what they were doing and were employed by the Emerald Empire were hard at work. Alice considered authorizing them to pursue their plans to be all she had to contribute.

One of them was a man by the name of Carbon. He had come from the intense corporate world of soft drinks, broken and traumatized. But where others would have given up, he refused to go down so quickly. When his company, Kaiser Cola, ended up losing to their rivals, Moxie Cola, London Essence Co, and Lorina Limonade, it was too much to bear. When the Soft War was over, Kaiser Cola was liquidated, and the victorious companies occupied its factories. For years, Germany suffered the humiliation of not having their own soda until the Emerald Empire arrived.

 

[Tenchi Masaki]

What people mistook for extreme generosity was actually Alice not wanting any more work to do. She had Germans run everything from their end and revitalized their soda sales by buying back the Kaiser Cola stock and rebranding it Jaeger Cola. Carbon was so impressed by what she had done he pledged his loyalty and, more importantly, his submarines to her. Alice was too busy in her own little world to pay attention to the fact that average Germans were saluting her and attending her public speaking events en masse. Carbon was promoted to Commander following the changes in managerial titles implemented by Jaeger Cola. The highest position in the company was President, and this led the people to refer to Alice as Chef Sprudel Führerin.

Alice, however, just wanted the marketing tour to end. Constantly touting the wonders of soda was not what she had initially planned. Fortunately, she had employees who could solve all her problems for her. One of them Was Commander Carbon, who was making his way into her office. The current president, Fizzhelm “Kaiser” von Nachtnebel, had passed away after the Soft War. Carbon led the group in supporting the merging of the two offices of Jaeger Cola Reichspräsident and Reichskanzler to the Emerald Empire's main office.

He was strangely being accompanied by Christopher Miller, who, after wandering about looking for Laverna, had walked into Jaeger Cola. And, on seeing Commander Carbon, he started following him in hopes of looking important by association with someone who actually was important. He had taken advantage of the wardrobe department, wanting to get rid of spare suits, and put one on that was two sizes larger than his suit size. He didn’t care; as long as people saw him in a suit, they would see him as an important executive. Carbon barely noticed him as he was heading into Jaeger Cola’s main office to reveal his plan to dominate global markets.

Upon entering, he glanced over at the desk and saw Alice sitting there reading reports. He walked forward, hailed his superior officer, and said, “Hail Chef Sprudel Führerin.” A holographic warboard of the Atlantic Ocean appeared on the floor as Carbon began to speak. He said, “Mein Führerin, My plan is simple. We will overwhelm rival shipping with our submarines, but in order to do so, I will need far more than we have now, at least 500.” At this, Alice continued signing forms until she stopped, rose from her desk, and walked toward Carbon.

Christopher, on the other hand, could not take it anymore as he fell to the floor and started running his hands through the hologram. He felt it looked really cool, and he had to do something while he was there, after all. He said, “Whoa! These subs look like a pack of soda cans! Oh, and when you group them up like this, they look like a six-pack! We should call the groups Six Packs!” It occurred to both of them that Chris was there, sprawled on the floor like a child playing a board game. Carbon, not wanting Alice to think he was associated with him, immediately said, “Who is this fool? Where did you come from?”

Alice, looking down with her head turned to the side, said, “That fool is Christopher Miller. I’m curious as to why you are here and not out after Laverna.” To this, Chris said, “Well, you see, looking for people is hard work and makes you hungry, so I stopped looking for Laverna to eat food, but the group of people I was with were on a food tour, and I went on the bus because it looked really nice. But it drove off, and I was forced to go from place to place and eat delicious food. Then we got on a plane and went to Europe. Have you ever had fish and chips? It’s good. Anyway, we came to Spain, France, and now Germany.”

As Christopher reached into his pocket and offered half-eaten bratwurst to any takers, Carbon considered kicking him out the window. Alice, on the other hand, got to him first. Alice said, “Have I had fish and chips? I am British, you moron! Stop wasting my time playing with your sausage, and get Laverna. Now get out!” Chris sadly said, “But the food tour isn’t over.” Alice glared, and Chris, happy to be acknowledged, rose up in a heroic pose and dashed out of the room.

Alice then Said, “You are dismissed; Commander Carbon, I need surface vessels to ship our wares, not U-boats. You already have enough to play with. While upset, Carbon understood the reasoning behind the decision. Funds were being focused on building cargo vessels to ship Emerald merchandise around the globe. Carbon knew he would soon have to prove the worth of his subs. Unfortunately for the port hosting London Essence vessels, they would prove Carbon right.

One of Carbon's ace submariners, Hobo Stashes, was on his way to claim glory for himself and the cause. Sporting brown hair, a beard, green eyes, and a wicked smirk, He had ordered his men to stealthily creep their sub into port under the cover of darkness. Then, standing on the deck of his U-boat, he smiled as he said, “Fire.” They had targeted the largest ship in port to send a message, and upon it exploding and sinking to the bottom of the sea, it was heard loud and clear.

The corporate world flew into a panic upon hearing reports that a merchant vessel was sunk in violation of international law. But the ones responsible for this attack were never found as they had crept beneath the waves and on to their next target. Suddenly, the Finance dept realized the long-term gains they stood to make. If their U-boats could continue sinking merchant vessels without them being traced back to them, then they could literally wipe out the competition. Emerald Empire would then offer their own ships at exorbitant fees and dominate the global trade routes as Alice wanted.

While this was happening, another of the Carbon aces named Murdoc, who had pale green skin, red eyes, black hair, and a foul disposition, found a convoy of ships and managed to sneak inside their lines. What ensued was ship after ship being sunk, and, like his cohort, Stashes had escaped undetected. The toll, however, was even more catastrophic than before. Now, Carbon and his aces were making a name for themselves within the Emerald Empire and the world at large. For his efforts, Murdoc was awarded Emerald of the Year by Alice herself, as she loved when men did all the heavy lifting.

While in her office, Murdoc stressed Carbon’s position as he said, “Mein Führerin, We need more U-boats so we can crush an entire convoy when we find them. The corporate world will not be able to afford the losses we inflict on them, and the Emerald Empire shall be victorious.” Alice said, “Wow, you’re straight to the point, aren’t you? I’ll think about using more Cold Packs, Mr. Murdoc.” Of course, by thinking, she meant Carbon would get more money as she had shopping to do with her new all-female Korean executive board of friends. Alice wondered why she should go through the tedious hiring process when she could buy a whole set.

The set in question were the daughters of the Korean mega mogul Han Ogu Kumgang, who had as many daughters as he could stand. When his wife bore him another, they both decided to abandon her by placing her in a basket and tossing it into the indoor river that flowed throughout the premises. As it floated along, it was seen by many employees who were too busy to concern themselves with it. Until it reached the indoor park area, where a married Japanese couple wishing for a child heard cries coming from the basket, they fished it out of the water and were shocked to see a baby inside. Knowing the company policy for lost items, they reluctantly turned the baby in to lost and found.

They had to wait thirty days, but they were told that they could claim her after the waiting period was over. The overjoyed couple partied as hard as their minimum wage paychecks would allow and decided to start the next chapter in their lives, having become disillusioned with the Korean work culture. Han and his wife, Gildae, couldn't care less, as having six daughters already made them feel they weren’t missing out on much by having another one around. So you can probably guess that these girls named Sena, Nari, Min, Jae, Hea, and Eun-Ji grew up to be very selfish, conceited narcissists who only cared about taking selfies with their Galapagos phones.

 

[Tenchi Masaki]

In short, Alice and the girls were made for each other. What ensued was a nonstop press tour for the whole purpose of saying to the world, “Look at me.” Alice, armed with the Emerald Empire’s resources and a gang of affluent, trendy girly girls, felt nothing could stop her now. Soon, the trade sea routes would be controlled by her and then the world. A grand party was held for the Emerald Empire and its allies. Those who established themselves, such as Carbon and his aces, showed off their best suits and toasted to the rise of the Cold Packs and future glories.



While Laverna was feeling bad, taking naps helped reset her mind as she said, “Are we there yet?” Tenchi, looking back, said, “dō omoimasu ka? (What do you think?)” Laverna, not even noticing, said, “Watashitachi wa mō Kanzasu ni wa inai to omou. (I don't think we’re in Kansas anymore)” Tenchi said, I’m glad you're fluent in Japanese, as you're going to be staying with Mami Kashiwagi. Laverna said, “I blame you for that, senpai. And if all her belongings end up missing, she’ll blame you for that, too.”



Tenchi said, “You would be wise to not cross your new babysitter. She is known for her effective disciplinary measures.” Laverna smirked as she said, “We’ll see about that.” Kylie said, “Do your best to behave, and maybe you’ll end up getting more than you thought possible. Oh, and my cat Pagan will accompany you. You’ll find out why later. And don’t forget your little Sanbunny in the car.” Laverna, who suddenly noticed she was hugging Sanbunny in her arms, wondered when and, more importantly, where he had come from.



But it was just as well as Roadie said, “We are approaching our destination ETA six minutes.” The car had descended from the sky and landed on its wheels as he transitioned back to the normal mode of driving. Roadie sped along until it reached a bush in a field, and Tenchi and Kylie got out of the car. Tenchi opened the backseat and dragged an unwilling Laverna out of the car. When she looked around, all she saw was a grassy field and a single bush. Laverna tried to walk back into the car, but Roadie closed the door.



Laverna was given everything she needed to get started as Tenchi said, “I am confident you will do we’ll ferret. Just believe in yourself and your friends.” Laverna said, “How about we exchange the sappy goodbyes for “You are forgiven, ferret, now here’s some shopping cash.” Come on, Tenchi, my main man, and Kylie, you can be contrary if you want. Just don’t leave me alone in a field.” Tenchi said, “Enjoy your time here and learn to better.



Jack B. Nimble and Mary Contrary will be waiting for you in Toyland, and we will be waiting for you here.” Laverna, grabbing her bags, said, “Yeah, you both will be here or there, doing what you want with Zack and Ivy or King Cole and Santa. Yippee for you.” Roadie started singing, “Toyland, Toyland, beautiful girl and boy land.” Tenchi and Kylie or Jack and Mary got in the car as Tenchi told Roadie to knock it off.



Laverna, being no stranger to supernatural situations, walked toward the bush for whatever eye-rolling magical wonder effects to get over with already. The bush started glowing gold and enveloped Laverna in its light. When the brightness subsided, Laverna saw she was in… a grassy field. But at least there was a dirt pathway to follow, and on paying more attention, she noticed brown wood fences using firewood-sized small logs in their construction. Laverna sighed as she said, “This is so rustic. I want to go home now.”



Laverna then heard a voice say, “For the foreseeable future, you are home, lassie. Now, let's get to work.” Laverna looked down and saw Sanbunny being far more animated and alive than usual.” Laverna said, “Um, why are you talking? And with an Irish accent?” Sanbunny said, “Because we’re on the Emerald Isle, and I feel like it. Now be a good girl and do as I say.” Laverna said, “Ah, so basically, you're now a bunch of sexist tropes and gender stereotypes then?”



Sanbunny sarcastically said, “…. Well then, this is a bad time to mention, lassie… your car, the Black Magic, is in the shop, so to speak… so you get to use your lower body strength to travel the land… because girls don’t have upper body strength…” Laverna responded in kind and said, “Quaint. At least the sexism couldn’t get any worse.” Sanbunny, wanting to get to business, said, “Aye, so anyway… You have to use the Cooky Obscura in your bag to bake, fry, and simmer… You know, cook toots… You gotta find the recipes and exorcise them to return peace to the culinary land.”



Laverna, feeling a wave of sarcastic enlightenment, said, “Are you kidding me!? I have to cook-purify evil recipe spirits!? Time to roll up my sleeves and get boilin’! If I’m gonna be in the kitchen, I may as well be the best!” Sanbunny, unfazed by the power of Laverna’s sarcastic epiphany, said, “The best chefs in the world are men…. Deal with it… Plus, your “Crooksack” has everything you need to get started plus pockets for anything we find along the way… mission-related stuff, lass… not loot…”

 

[Tenchi Masaki]

Laverna said, “Tenchi can barely make cup ramen, and I’ll stuff whatever I see “fall off a truck” in my new baggie that I feel like. Mmkay?” Sanbunny, unsurprised by Laverna’s sticky-fingered filching, said, “Fine luv… but when your inventory gets full, ya gotta sell it or toss it… Then, use the cash to buy stuff that’s actually useful… You know the legal way… Now your new utensils- I mean weapons… are quite simple to get a grasp on.”Laverna sorted through the items and said, “You mean this dumb cook pot, tablecloth, and two sticks here? At least the pot looks like a cauldron.”



Sanbunny realized Laverna was at least paying attention and said, “When you're cookin’, you use them to cook… When you're fightin’, you use them to fight… Speakin’ of which you can hop on over to that fenced-in circle to practice… the pot is actually a taiko drum, and the mixing sticks are drumsticks… You can use them like kali sticks or staff to beat your enemies… like a drum… If you use rhythmic timing, it will increase your attack power when you left right one two three, one two three… Or you could just be lazy and charge them and unleash an explosion of energy all around you… The energy is even rainbow-colored… Which makes you happy… cause you’re a girl…”



Laverna, having an outburst of excitement before regaining her composure, said, “Yay! Happy rainbows! Ahem, I mean, that’s nice to know for tactical reasons, at least. No one expects rainbow violence.” Sanbunny continued explaining and said, “Right anyway, your wings are their own kit, luv… They’re on loan from AKB48… The wings increase the height and length of your jumps as well as allow you to float down from high places… If you ever want to fly with them, then you would have to level up from zero to one, then two for flying higher than three feet above the ground…”



“A quick tip: buzzing those wings the right way can increase your dash speed when you need it… Of course, your suit isn’t Magic like AKBs are, so try to properly manage your energy levels. The meter gauge is on your bag… when you fly, your energy depletes, and you can’t use your wings until it recharges in a few minutes.”

Laverna, having heard enough instruction, said, “What is this a tutorial? Let me see, so I beat my enemies senseless with my drumsticks like bam, bam, BAM! Exorcise evil recipes by cooking in my magic drum, er, pot. Sigh, use my… Cooky Obscura to record them, and use my wings to run, jump, and navigate the terrain better (and look pretty flying when I get them to level two! Tee-hee!).”



Laverna practiced using her new tools and weapons in the circle, whacking multiple scarecrow dummies around until she had the hang of the rhythm-based bashing. Sanbunny then gave the final information he felt like giving for now and said, “So far, so good, luv… though it’s not a magic pot, it's a magic drum, and it can change into whatever oven, grill, or pot you need to get those recipes goin’.” Laverna smirked as she said, “Let me dream, bunny boy.” Sanbunny, wondering why he volunteered for this teaching job, said, “Sigh. If you need ingredients, search the land or just go to the store and buy ‘em, okay lass?”



Laverna, carrying Sanbunny, walked along the path until she started seeing a town in the distance. She wondered why her wing pack was dented and worn and figured it must have really been a loaner like Sanbunny had told her. Knowing Tenchi, he would ask why she didn’t use her machining skills to fix it if she left them as is. But who cares? She could worry about that later as she looked behind her to see her wings reflect the sun's light. She couldn’t help but keep moving them up and down at various speeds and occasionally spinning around.



Sanbunny said, “I want to get off this ride if you please.” As Laverna entered the town. Sanbunny told her to go to the tallest building in the scrambling district and say hi to Mami. Laverna walked up the steps and into the building before she was suddenly whisked forward by an unknown power. Laverna shrieked as she flew through the halls and into a dimly lit office. Laverna stopped just as quickly as she started as a shadowy figure looked her over from a distance.



The figure said, “So you are Laverna? Heh, I thought you’d be taller.” Laverna dusted herself off and checked her hair as she said, “You better watch who you're yanking around, lady. I know people.” The figure, unimpressed, said, “You answer to me, young one. I am your consent, and you have no freedom until I give it to you. I am Mother Mami, and you belong to me now.” Laverna watched as golden kanji representing her name floated in the air above a large sheet of paper and lowered onto it, making a Kaimyou.



Laverna, realizing Mami’s name, said, “Mother… mommy? Well, at least I know you're not subtle.” At this, Mother Mami pulled Laverna forward again as the room illuminated, revealing her to be a five-foot-five-inch Japanese woman with dark hair, light brown eyes, and Miko clothing. Both of them stopped a short distance from each other as Mami slowly ran her fingers along Laverna’s cheeks. Her eyes were glowing blue as she said, “Anything I tell you to do will be done or else. Am I clear, tanuki?” Laverna, eyes wide with fear, said, “Crystal.” Mami smiled as she said, “Then welcome to Danu Town.”

 

[Tenchi Masaki]

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[Tenchi Masaki]

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[Tenchi Masaki]

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