TBG: 1.2: VALENTINES EDITION

Bay Gull

ACME
✯ THE BAY GULL✯
- ✪ Everyone's Guilty Pleasure! ✪ -
[hr][/hr]San Francisco | Friday, February 14. 2014 | Vol. 001 Issue 002[hr][/hr]​

[bimg=fleft]http://findcarmen.com/data/photos/m/0/110-1392399135-8c0162367e5bded95313e6bbaab9294e.jpg[/bimg]ACME Getting Wasted? - Reports of alcohol consumption by ACME agents is going through the roof. Apparently a new wave of shiny new drinks appearing in the Neutral Grounds Bar has detectives and faculty hooked. Are we smelling a major liquor sponsorship or is this a nefarious plan from V.I.L.E. to keep their worse nemesis inebriated?​

Swiping From the Supply Closet - by Superman - Your very own reporter, while on a complimentary tour of the ACME Academy, couldn't help but notice the telltale marks of forced entry into a room marked ‘Storage and Supplies.’ Did someone forget a pencil, or does this closet hold more than office supplies…?

[fieldset=[B]Ask Abby:[/B]|100]Dear Abby, I use to many ellipses to express myself... Do you think this is self-destructive? Will I ever be able to talk to normal girls? Signed - Ellipsis Emoter

Dear Ellipsis Emoter, If people being driven to take drastic measures against you because of your repeated silence doesn't count, then ellipses are not self-destructive at all. They are, however, extremely annoying. This may sound blunt, but if you ever want to talk to normal girls, you have to change your ways. Start by going to your nearest bookstore to find yourself a nice English dictionary. It is a lovely thing. There are more than a million words to be used, and normal girls like words. Silence will not make them happy. -Abby
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[bimg=fleft]http://findcarmen.com/data/photos/m/0/112-1392399142-15e739dee7afa0dfca6a7a5ff294189a.jpg[/bimg]Five Tips for Dating Success - by Catalina Quita.
Multi-billionaire, bachelor Bran Brychanson sat down to discuss his keys to success in the wild realm of wooing females. Sorry girls, you don’t get any tips this Valentine’s. Better luck next year. (1.) It’s all about the scarves. -Brychanson says scarves convey individuality and confidence, two attractive traits that will set you apart from the other guys. As a lesser known bonus, scarfs also provide extra warmth in the winter. (2.) Ditch the skinny jeans. - Brychanson summed up this tip with an instantly classic quote, “We won’t discuss this. Just do it”. (3.) The door, please. - “It’s a simple gesture but will increase your odds with the woman significantly”, Brychanson maintains. “If you go out of your way to open doors for everyone, not just the person of interest, it will have an even greater impact. It’s a common courtesy, really.” Now this actual sounds like good advice. Imagine that. (4.) Become Robin Hood, Hawkeye, the Green Arrow, or... Merida. - Brychanson asserted that women love a bow wielding warrior. Obviously that must be the only use for a bow in this day and age. (5.) Give the gift of flowers… Welsh flowers. - “Flowers can be a rather cliche gift, but Snowdon lilies are priceless. Combined with the fact that they take skill to procure, this is frankly a remarkable offering.”
Got that boys? Snowdon lilies -- Get some. [hr][/hr]

[bimg=fleft]http://findcarmen.com/data/photos/m/0/111-1392399138-45ee363a32133f63e0cb87eb0ab69719.jpg[/bimg]Breaking News: Cootie Outbreak Imminent! - With the oncoming St. Valentine's Day celebrations we would like to remind you that cooties can strike at anytime and at any place. They are usually carried by attractive females. Don't let their blinky eyes or firey red hair or exotic accents fool you. This warning brought to you by the BB Center for Disease Control.


Valentine Messages - We recieved a slew of messages named and unamed. See if your lovy dovy snookums wrote you something below:

  • To my Tanyuchen'ka - Ты будешь моей Валентиной? - Zack D. Monaghan
  • Goodwin, I like the way you handle the library books. - Gunnar Svensson
  • Carmen: To the world's greatest thief-of-my-heart.
  • Derrin: The only ammunition you need is my love.
  • Ivy: I've seen you training and I think you're a real knock out.
  • Ann: I would secure a grant because I totally dig you.
  • Patty: Give me back my damn cufflink.
  • Adrianna: You are the big game hunter of my soul.
  • Sara Bellum: You make me wish to do science!
  • Eartha: The grass is never greener than your lovely hair.
  • Anja: I can not wait to love you to-Moro, when I can love you today
  • Cali: You're Rio Grande!
  • Constance: You fill my stomach with Morpho Paleides.
  • Kid: To my favorite grunt - Happy Valentine's Day.
  • Molly: I wish to Garden your love and trust.
  • Rose: Every rose has its thorns, but I’ll brave those thorns for you.
  • Sophie: Doctor Doctor, give me the news, I'm sick with love for you.
  • Colleen: Be my Valentine, it would be the ultimate upgrade.
[hr][/hr]The Bay Gull is formulated from the contributions of Catalina, Superman, Rose, Ivy, and Zack amongst various other sponsors. Advertise today! Contact Bay Gull

Disclaimer: The opinions of The Bay Gull is the sole property of no one. Really, don't sue us.​
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Last edited:

Neb

The VILEiest VILE to ever VILE a VILE
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I... I got a valentine's thingy...?
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Contessa

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Excellently written. I shall have my people ensure every new edition is brought to me.
 
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  • Chase Chase:
    Event shots are small fry though. This kid is like a big fish in a small pond (not that he's cocky). But when he comes work for me, he'll be among 10 others who sometime work 12-hour shoots and stay up until 5 AM editing shots for clients.
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  • Chase Chase:
    Evening, Storm.
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  • Eugene Eugene:
    My gut instinct so far is saying to take Kid on. The status quo may be comfortable, but I think it would ultimately do more harm than good.
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  • Chase Chase:
    I'm definitely taking this kid.
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  • Chase Chase:
    Not sure if I owe my friend a courtesy call, though.
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  • Eugene Eugene:
    I'd say have Friend talk to the kid first, so he understands kid's ambitions, than you two have your courtesy call.
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  • Chase Chase:
    I know this friend's going to be disappointed I didn't tell him the minute I saw this kid come interview. That said, though, maybe it's a decent test of 'friendship'.
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  • Chase Chase:
    Would probably be a lot easier if the window of his condo doesn't point directly to the window of my apartment...
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  • Eugene Eugene:
    Yes, it's always disappointing to lose talent, but I don't think it's grounds for ending a friendship.
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  • Eugene Eugene:
    ...
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  • Chase Chase:
    Yeah, turns out Berlin is still a small town.
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  • Eugene Eugene:
    Right...
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  • Eugene Eugene:
    What I was getting at was if I begrudged every team lead who poached talent from me, I would have lost friends quick.
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  • Chase Chase:
    True, and this kid came to me, I didn't poach him. Ethically, we're solid.
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  • Eugene Eugene:
    Either way, when you give Friend the courtesy call, recommend he talk to Kid to understand Kid's ambitions.
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  • Chase Chase:
    Probably the best angle for now, thanks for that.
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  • Eugene Eugene:
    It's what I'm here for, when I'm not showing you night vision ocular injections.
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  • Chase Chase:
    How did your interview go with the station?
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  • Eugene Eugene:
    Fairly good, but I ultimately didn't get it.
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  • Eugene Eugene:
    They didn't specify they were looking for a head broadcast engineer, whereas I was approaching it like a junior position.
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  • Eugene Eugene:
    However, he did give me a few referrals. Even said at one point "You definitely talk the talk"
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  • Eugene Eugene:
    My lack of paper certifications is holding be back some as well.
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  • Eugene Eugene:
    Time for me to hit the sack. Catch you later @Chase, @Deric Storm.
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  • Chase Chase:
    Night Euge, have a great sleep
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  • Chase Chase:
    Talking the talk is half the battle
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    Chase Chase: Talking the talk is half the battle
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