Syberia Excerpt: Splash Squad (Posted secretly late at night. Don’t tell!)

Polly Tix

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Polite, Poll, MsTix (Mystic)
Finally I can post something about the story! I wrote it in Shakespearean because were fighting in a drama theatre, and it’s only one of our adventures in Omsk!

The Splash Squad did plan their next offensive 'gainst maketh out pointeth #5 at the omsk academic drama theatre and head'd out to doth battleth. Those gents hath found t wast going to beest quite the festive theatrical one as shakespearean them'd popeth bots descend'd upon those folk. Those gents wouldst fie quotations from many famous plays and attacketh with sw'rds spears, axes, and muskets. While the girls hath found the wardrobes quite romance inspiring; those gents w're not hesitating to maketh the defeat those folk causing those folk to wend into ov'rly dramatic death throes. The Splash Squad did get hath caught up in the moment and w're speaking in ways yond wouldst maketh shakespeare quite fustian. Dmitri did exclaim, “v'rily! we shalt striketh at thee foul machinations till we findeth thy naughty loveth trial; and driveth a stake through its heart!”

Polly coming up to a doubleth doth'r spake while switching to h'r splash cannon declaring thusly, “while i am but a humble demoiselle thy ilk vexes me to nay endeth and so i sayeth unto thee; feeleth mineth righteous fury!!!” Polly fir'd h'r cannon and blast'd the playeth pops and the doth'r ope. Team splash w're hath changed into shakespearean garb f'r the hurlyburly yond wast to cometh by fashion popeth bots from backstage wardrobe. Dmitri and nicolai w're did dress in knight and arch'r clothing and armeth'r; while Polly and Ann w're putteth into quite quaint medieval ballroom gowns. Inside those gents ranneth, yet unbeknownst to our h'roes the trial of loveth wast th're and the stage lights did shine down brightly upon t. T wast reveal'd in all its gl'ry to beest the loveth inn, a mobile pink robot model'd aft'r a hotel. Of course this hotel wast not v'ry inviting 'r hospitable and beganeth to fireth weapons from the windows yond hath opened.

Occasionally robot guests and staff wouldst popeth out of the windows and throweth luggage and shoes at team splash. Ann did yell, “f'rsooth! we beest not cats! did quit throwing thine cobbl'd shoes!” Ann fir'd h'r custom painteth ak48 at the windows and did manage to destroyeth some of those folk as the inn hath moved 'round on its two treads.
Suddenly Polly wast did grab by a rope yond did shoot out from the front doth'r and wast did pull inside. Polly then hadst to navigateth the traps and enemies in 'rd'r to receiveth backeth out, and while yond wast happening on the upp'r balcony a popeth bot did dress as juliet em'rg'd while a romeo popeth bot cameth up from the did grind below. A sappy narrat'r popeth bot did start telling the tale of romeo and juliet while an audience of popeth bots did listen intently. At which hour team splash w're doing well howev'r those gents wouldst boo and hurl various things onto the stage trying to hitteth those folk.

Polly having blast'd a playeth popeth bot to pieces wast confront'd by a popeth bot sw'rdsman who is't the lady beganeth sw'rd fighting with. The loveth inn the hath opened lengthwise revealing the three inn'r levels Polly hadst to square through in 'rd'r to receiveth to the fourth flo'r. Th're wast a mure madeth of transparent mat'rial letting ev'ryone behold inside but eke preventing Polly from escaping by simply jumping out onto the stage and t madeth t behold liketh a nice side scrolling adventure game. F'rward the lady bravely advanc'd checking at one dastardly trapeth aft'r anoth'r, mostly. Aft'r getting did tie up to a v'rtical platf'rm the lady hadst to bethink festinate to free h'rself bef're t spun 'round and the lady wast taken behind the mure while sw'rd popeth did laugh maniacally. The lady did manage to free h'rself and continueth onward battling the dark sw'rdsbot.

Dmitri did manage to sweaty haste inside the loveth inn narrowly avoiding tomatoes did toss in his direction and beganeth h'roically battling through the evil devices. Polly wast pushing the sw'rd popeth to the balcony at which hour t did gain the upp'r handeth and hath sent h'r ov'r the edge. Polly did hang on f'r lief life as Dmitri beganeth to square the popeth bot while popeth juliet tooketh out h'r noticeably large axe to punisheth Dmitri f'r int'rrupting h'r scene. Dmitri duck'd causing the axe to cleave the sw'rd popeth in twain giving that gent timeth to runneth to Polly and pulleth h'r up. Popeth juliet wouldst not
beest did deny howev'r as popeth romeo did scale the mure of the loveth inn to joineth his belov'd in combat. In to the loveth inn those gents ranneth as the fourth flo'r hath changed to a ballroom. Gracefully those gents did dance divine while fighting 'gainst the two mechanical lov'rs and their fellow playeth popeth bot danc'rs.

Dmitri and Polly hadst suddenly hath found themselves in a deadly danceth competition. Those gents figur'd sachi and marchpane 'riginally intend'd this setteth up f'r dancing with doubleth troubleth, but anon t wast being hath used to destroyeth those folk. Polly remarked, “this is ridiculous! we has't to out danceth those robots 'r the flo'r area we’re standing on shall electrocute us!” Dmitri annoy'd hath said, “I don’t bethink we couldst square those folk if 't be true we did want to the flo'r is booby did trap, but if 't be true i might not but dance… i’m… glad… its… with… thee. ” Polly slightly in scarlet did reply, “is t very much yond hard to sayeth yond to me? i might not but maketh thee very much n'rvous mine own valorous sir. So i guesseth this is the parteth wh're i taketh thy handeth and we’ll maketh t?” Dmitri answ'red, “Well i guesseth t is and togeth'r we shall winneth mine own mistress.

”Dmitri and Polly did dance, combated, and eliminat'd their competition couple by couple until only those gents and romeo and juliet did remain. At this pointeth the pretense of frivolity cameth to an endeth as the did declare winn'rs w're Dmitri and Polly. Romeo popeth and juliet popeth tooketh out their weapons and did charge the two backeth out onto the balcony wh're those gents desired to hath fallen their rivals. But alas those gents w're defeat'd by Dmitri and Polly and hath sent ov'r the edge crashing
to the flo'r below. Holding hands those gents happily proclaim'd throughout the landeth, “Real loveth needeth not beest manufactur'd and emulat'd by the masses. At which hour thee sayeth how thee truly feeleth yond is romance at its most pow'rful.

The silent theat'r 'rupt'd in massive boos and hisses as multiple objects w're thrown at the two. This unexpectedly did damage the loveth inn making t easi'r f'r team splash to finish t off in quite dramatic fashion. As the loveth inn sparked, belch'd smoketh, and did collapse onto the stage flo'r, team splash did bow and curtsi'd to the crowd as those gents all explod'd in their seats sending springs and gears safely raining down 'round those folk. Those gents all did exclaim, “truly we has't did triumph and has't vict'ry! and anon we shalt wend on our m'rry way!” (End of excerpt)

Tenchi Masaki

ACME Ace Detective, Inventor
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Tenko(don't ask), Kami Jack, Guy Smart, Tenten
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Verily I say Sir Vile would be proud. And the modern english version of this scene is in the full story.
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