✯ THE BAY GULL✯ - ✪ The Only Real Source of ACME News ✪ - San Francisco | March 9th, 2014 | Vol. 001 Issue 004 Click for original size Po-tay-toe, Po-tat-to! Seems not all is well amongst ACME's elders! Reports have been flying in of a spat between new IT professional @Jason West and archaeology guru @Ann Tickwittee. The misdemeanor was reported on Friday, when Jason West was suffering from lack of sleep due to server issues in Accolade Tower (Yeah we've heard that excuse before in a @Deric Storm vs. @Lee Jordan case.) To relieve stress, West took a potato cannon out and fired it inside the Neutral Grounds cabin, even after being asked not to fire it by Ann. West reports feeling threatened by Ann who was holding a chisel. He drew his weapon and issued a halt command. Ann threatened to report Jason, weapons were taken, apologies were made and all of ACME is left wondering what indeed happened between the two. Rumor has it tensions are still high. We asked Ann for a comment, to which she stated, "I don't believe in violence, especially to the degree that firearms are intended." Is suspension for both agents in the air? The Bay Gull will bring you more as the story progresses. Dear Abby "Dear Abby, How you're like fur hats? We're works great together! I'm mostly single! Call me. Signed - Great Boyfriend" Dear Great Boyfriend Click for original size Dear Great Boyfriend, To begin with, this is an advice column. Not a place for you to write in search for a girl. Normally, that would be where I would end this letter, but I am, unfortunately, paid per column; so here is advice: It is the normal procedure to have a conversation with someone before you claim ‘we’re works great together!’. If that is really the case after the initial chat, then you can proceed to ask someone out. Also, it is advisable never to say ‘mostly single’. What does that mean? To me, it implies that you have a girlfriend in your life, and so I would be entertainment until you were ready to move back to what made you ‘mostly’ single in the begin. That shows immaturity. Lastly, please don’t call yourself a ‘great boyfriend’. You receive that title through time, actions, and maturity. -Abby (@Rose) Click for original size ACME Marina Opens public awareness center: Yes we exist! By: @Pete Moss ACME has a Marina! If you didn't know about this, now you do! The dock area that airfield staff uses to transport to and from ACME Airfield is a fully fuctional marina area with ship services and repair staff on hand for all your boating needs. Now, to facilitate more ACME employees, the Marina staff have opened a new 'Public Awareness Center' to spread the word. Go down there, get some coffee while you wait for a ferry, and find out what you've been missing. A Word from our Sponsors: Carmen Sandiego The Musical- Now Playing in a Theater Near You! Drama, magic and more. Fun for the whole family! Paint Ball Classic - Spotted! ACME's professors and bosses having a paintball tournament. They might have used codenames but we cracked their secret. Mall Ninja (@Deric Storm), Angry Airman (@Eugene Grovington), Well Dressed Tyrant (@Chase Devineaux) and Flaming Princess (@Ivy Monaghan) - We heard eyes were poked and egos were bruised! Kitchen Nightmares - Is ACME's reigning kitchen king @Eugene Grovington having issues with sharing his stove? Looks like it might lead to a fight with a certain new comer if someone fans the flames. Subleting in the Dorms? - @Molly and @Colleen may be sharing their pad with more than one other gal pal. Our spies hear whisperings of another chick named Xena and occasionally one named Inara popping up in conversations. Could this mean trouble from the dorm cops? Scene Stealer - Is nurse @Constance leaving ACME to pursue a career of music? Daily violin recitals have shown her more than capable. ACME Medical Center may be losing a key staff member soon. Need to advertise? Want to ask Abby a question? Got something to buy or sell? Contact The Bay Gull today!