✯ THE BAY GULL✯ - ✪ Much News ✪ So Relevant ✪ Wow! ✪ - San Francisco | Friday, Febuary 7. 2014 | Vol. 001 Issue 001 Click for original size Breaking News: Arson in the Park! A fire broke out during what was said to be an afternoon luncheon. Sources say Park Chalet employee Tim Walker was arrested for suspected arson. ACME Detectives Rose Ningolsham, Derringer Aragon and Nevon Blair were hailed as heroes for reuniting a family. Witnesses say that prior to the fire's report, giant flying squirrels were spotted above the location. It's A Bird, A Plane, A... Plane! ACME Detectives set off to salvage Tall Glass, a Bristol Blenheim bomber from World War II in Algeria. Heartthrob Lee Jordan on the case. Click for original size On the Wire - Sources say suspected V.I.L.E. agents have been seen entering various airports in Brazil. Could this be a Carnival of Crime or just a World Cup of Coincidence? A drunken "Brute" spotted at the wrong Rio and a suspicious Jester heard singing Barry Manilow's, Copacabana! Sightings! - A Swedish Male of athletic build has been seen loitering around the ACME Library, possibly selling or engaging in the use of narcotic substances due to his hyper-paranoid demeanor. Glitter trail evident. In other news, all clay pigeons mysteriously vanish from the Academy shooting range. Mix up in reordering caused real pigeons to be delivered yesterday. Is LOVE in the Air? - We have reports of new ACME Agent Colleen Slate and a possible jumping-robot love. Dr. Sophie Conrad seen with a masked mystery man, and is flight instructor Eugene Grovington falling for ACME poster girl Ivy Monaghan? Too bad, Ivy was seen leaving a bar with rumored beau Ann Tickwittee. The One Percent - Are ACME's purchases getting out of hand? We got this story before PR Extraordinaire Tanya Erzin could spin it. Inside sources state that ACME's Director of Operations Chase Devineaux has ordered an antique meat slicer for his office. He's obviously keeping his cold cuts in lean times. The Bay Gull is brought to you by ACME Medical Center: We go because we're contractually obligated, and O'Sullivan's Sports Bar: Hot girls, free drinks and false advertising. Disclaimer: The opinions of The Bay Gull is the sole property of no one. Really, don't sue us.